Saturday Series: Mind, Body & Spirit Connection~ Consciousness

Welcome to all! Today’s it’s Saturday still where I am at and finally sitting down to blog this series I have been excited about all week:)

But first an announcement~ I am going to begin a new podcast called, “More than my Diagnosis”, very soon right here through this blog. I find when I verbalize my thoughts, I can be more concise and energetic with my words rather than when I write. So stay tuned as I learn about podcasting and record my first episode! Join me if you aren’t following me yet and if you are already following me, I hope you tune in.

I chose “More than my Diagnosis” as its title, with my daughter’s help, because all of us, no matter what we are labeled with mentally or physically, are more than any label. Our family and friends can attest to this I am sure and maybe one day we will believe it too! I do and it is very freeing and energizing to continue my successful mental health journey, which leads me right into today’s topic- Consciousness

First what does that word/term even mean? It means being awake and aware, first to ourselves and then to others and our surroundings. It also means realizing our potential, which one person can never achieve fully, but we can try our hardest to be all that we are meant to be. Not an easy task for sure but it is good to be on a much clearer path with the help of my herbal supplements, mainly Kratom, which has put me in full remission from Schizophrenia/Schizoaffective Disorder. See this post to learn more about taking Kratom for therapeutic benefits. I also have an article to be shared with health care providers on Kratom that I will gladly share with anyone who writes to me using my contact form above.

So, how do we enter this state of being fully awake? It’s easy and hard for some at the same time. But anyone reading this is already becoming more aware and awake through choosing to read this blog so it will probably be easier for you, dear reader.

Take a deep breath and hold it for a moment and release slowly. If it was a big exhale, do it 2 more times. Feel the breath of being conscious enter your physical state, and allow the release of breath to be anything you desire, positive thoughts, creative ideas, mental health wellness. This paused your day, if you did this exercise, and put thought to whatever needs attention for your mind, body and spirit to connect. Remember that spirit is not religious or even about God, unless you want it to be; rather it is spirit in the sense of our soul or all that we don’t understand, YET.

How did you connect your breath to your state of awareness? Did it relax you and hopefully release some tension if present? For me, I carry my stress in my shoulders and jaw. When I do conscious breaths, I try to remember to relax my shoulders and jaw. And here’s a neat trick I learned somewhere- when you are going to sleep at night, drop your tongue from the roof of your mouth and relax this area. This will help you to relax and fall asleep easier.

I also find yoga to be particularly helpful for my mind and body. This is for guys and gals and anyone in between. If you aren’t familiar with yoga, check out Adrienne’s free yoga videos for beginners or advanced on Youtube. Although I do my own flow most days when I practice yoga, sometimes I watch her videos to learn some new poses and she is very down to earth good vibes yogini (female who does yoga). For more about the benefits of doing yoga, click here for a past post I did in 2020.

As we learn new tools or discover old ones tucked away we begin to become more fully aware and it’s easier to enter a state of consciousness. How many areas are affected when I practice these mindful activities, I become much more peaceful, and content with whatever drama might come my way. This is a great state to be in- Acceptance.

Let nothing disturb you.

Problems become opportunities to grow and expand our consciousness.

For example, during the start of this blog, the dogs next door were barking like crazy and caused me to lose focus. I was irritated for a while as they kept barking, but then I wished them well and continued my blogging. After a while, they stopped barking. I was so focused on this blog that I don’t even know when they stopped. Lesson- difficulties will come and they will go, yet it is our attitude towards them that matters. If we let such things bother us, they will fester, but if we learn to let them go and enter the ultimate state of consciousness for me to achieve, described below, we will be at peace and ready for whatever might come our way!

My Ultimate State of Consciousness

To not prefer things, but to appreciate every person, event and circumstance

To not judge things as good or bad

Instead to be free in our new awareness of self and others around us

I will be talking more about this state in my new podcast soon and I am also looking forward to our next guest writer on starting a meditation practice. I am still struggling with dedicated meditation but it doesn’t bother me, because meditation is only one way to find inner peace and not the only way.

Pax

Victoria

Coming soon to this blog…

Good evening all! Welcome to all the new countries with recent interest in this blog. I appreciate all visitors, wherever you are located, and hope this blog is of some help to you on your mental health journey. And thank you India, USA and Australia for being with me for a while now. As you may guess, I am cleaning up my blog tonight in preparation for another upcoming guest post in a few weeks hopefully and also in anticipation for this week’s Saturday Series: Mind, Body and Spirit Connection about Consciousness.

If you get a chance to listen to any of Michael Singer’s podcast “The Commitment to Stay Conscious, please do as the Saturday Series blog will focus on some of it, if everything goes as planned. I am pretty excited as it fits perfectly with the theme of this series. It’s a great listen anyway so check it out if interested.

Also, check out the new menu item at the top of this page for all my guest writer’s posts. I will be adding them tonight so check back tomorrow if you are interested in some great posts written by professionals, other bloggers and people interested in mental health. Thank you again to all my past guests on here and if you are interested in writing for this blog, feel free to send me an email or use the contact form. Any topic related to mental health will be of interest to me and others on their mental health journey.

I’ve also managed to get this site indexed through google after much research and emails to WordPress Happiness Engineers, who are all an awesome team! It wasn’t easy but I have realized recently that I am pretty good at figuring things out and being patient and adaptable when needed.

Have a great night/day and stay strong no matter what comes your way. I know the many challenges I have faced in my life have all made me a stronger person, especially since I came out alive:)

Pax

Victoria

Energy and Motivation…

There are a plethora of ways to get energy: some already have it in their natural state (not me), caffeinated (used to be me), and herbal supplements (which is where I am today). There is also a type of energy that is created when one has a deadline or exciting event to prepare for, examples could be a holiday, vacation or party.

I’m noticing this more and more in my observations of my activity in my every day life now that I am in full remission from Schizophrenia/Schizoaffective Disorder. These last few months have been major catch up, for what “normal” people take for granted, the ability to be motivated and stay on top of things.

It was awesome today when I got everything done on my list and now I get to blog! My pièce de résistance (main creative work ha ha, I had to google it).

But for me now everything is important, from how I fold the laundry better and more organized, to dusting properly rather than just suffering through it wishing I was done. I don’t mind even tedious tasks and am now thinking about how long I have suffered from lack of motivation and natural energy- pretty much my whole life, I could never finish things unless my mom and dad made me.

This is night and day. Another extreme benefit to taking my new herbal supplement, Kratom. If you would like to read a rather lengthy article to give to healthcare providers about it click here. It has given me a new lease on life and I’ll take it!

What motivates you? What gives you energy? How do you achieve goals?

Please feel free to comment or send me an email using my contact form:)

Pax

Victoria

Upcoming Guest Blogger on Meditation for Saturday Series…

Today has been so smooth, gliding into a quick blog to introduce Sophie, who hosts a lovely meditation website; she contacted me recently with a wonderful article about meditation. Perfect for this Saturday Series about the mind, body and spirit connection don’t you think?
I still struggle with making time for meditation, though. So many fun projects, and visits with my family, yet I think it would greatly benefit me to meditate at a dedicated hour. Her website, which I will share this Saturday, is full of resources and debunking some of the myths of meditation. I know I am not the only one who struggles with meditation; in fact, few people I know personally have a daily dedicated practice.

How about you all? What are some of your experiences trying your hand at meditation?

Leave a comment pretty please, or email me using the contact form above if you would like to share privately.

How does meditation connect to the mind, body and spirit connection. I see benefits in all three dimensions of the unified whole person…

The mind, sets itself free to be still a while, and to receive whatever one is supposed to receive from God, or whatever you believe or don’t believe in. This can set a nice tone for the day.

The Body, it’s relaxing and restful. Great way to prepare for a busy day!

And the Spirit, but remember this is not religious, also can say soul interchangeably,, but it connects us to whatever force or within ourselves to fully live our lives.

Not sure if I have blogged this before, but I remember an anecdote about the Dalai Lama who meditated for hours every day, and on busy days with his important schedule, he even meditated more hours.

I need to practice what I preach so am going to really devote some time to meditation and report back in a couple of weeks.

So tune in early Saturday for this special blog. I can’t wait:)

Pax

Victoria

A bit about depression and what helps me…

Hello world! Happy today for many reasons. Today started with an opportunity to tell my Schizoaffective Disorder story through Healthy Stories Project focusing on the depression part of my disorder, mainly. I am not depressed anymore and haven’t been for a while, but I remember it well. I remember years ago being so fatigued that I curled on the floor up in a closet when I tried to clean it haha. This was when my Lexapro stopped working, after being on it for years. I started Trintellix soon after and have not been depressed ever since.

But my mom, who I spent 2 hours with today, is depressed and does nothing to help herself. I actually believe she just likes being miserable and that she is annoyed often by my positivity in response to her negativity. I had to detox from negative vibes after being with her.

That’s enough about my mom and her depression. Bottom line is that we all have choices and those choices can make the difference between night and day.

Here are my top tips to fight depression ~

Getting enough vitamin D by 20 minutes in the sun every day possible and/or vitamin D supplements, I do both most days.

Exercise regularly, 30 minutes a day 5 days a week is my goal but every little bit will help. Walking, lifting 5 pound weights, yoga and gardening are my go to but find something you like and do it (but not the hour before bed as it can be stimulating and be hard to fall asleep).

Surrounding yourself with positive people (and limiting time with negative people).

Reading and watching uplifting material and limiting the news, but here is a link to Nice News who send out positive news m-f via email on uplifting positive news in the world:) Today was a clickable article about NASA launching first ever study on UFO’s! Also has lots of animal, helping humans stories and more.

Recognizing negative thoughts and turning them around remembering good, funny or interesting things.

Limit~ social media, alcohol, judging people, fast food and junk food, sugar and find replacements that you enjoy. I get my social media time online through right here on WordPress, don’t drink, try not to judge people (but bad drivers, don’t get me started, sorry I’m not perfect), eat mostly unprocessed foods and have sugar by way of a little gatorade or honey in my tea and the occasional splurge!

Eating whole unprocessed foods- this one is a biggie for me. Veggies and/or fruit at every meal mostly and fermented foods, kombucha, sauerkraut and yogurt with live cultures. Get creative in the kitchen as time allows.

Establish a routine but be flexible so you don’t go crazy. I go to bed late and wake up between 8 or 9, take an occasional nap and the rest of my day isn’t structured at all. So, I don’t really do this one but I do make lists on my phone and/or on paper of what I hope to accomplish for the day and sometimes the week.

Individual peer counseling or talking ( my go to is Jordan at Safe Haven, God bless her!) or peer group counseling. I prefer one-on-one to groups but might try again one day.

Increase dopamine levels with a nootropic, but remember this if you delve into this world~

From Psychology Today-

“In the initial phase of getting to know the effects of a compound on your body and mind, you should experiment very carefully. Take it slow in the early stages of your exploration. Research the individual compound and be present to what is happening in your body and mind upon consumption.“

Check it out here for more on nootropics to fight depression, if you scroll towards the bottom they list and describe 24 nootropics. If you are already taking an SSRI, it is recommended to check with your doctor who prescribed it and always watch out for the signs of serotin syndrome which can be dangerous.

Therapy, I recommend finding a Logotherapist if you can.

Meds, I need mine for now but one day may try going off them, but the thing is that if it doesn’t work, there is no guarantee they will work again so this is a hard one for me and probably won’t risk it!

That’s all that comes to the top of my mind. I am sure this isn’t an exhaustive list. Feel free to comment or email me your ways to fight depression. I love to learn new ways to feel good:)

Oh, and prayer of course should be in there too or whatever grounding connecting to God, Mother Nature or just meditating on the good things in your life!

Pax

Victoria

Saturday Series: Mind, Body and Spirit Connection~Ayurveda lifestyle…

I am not anywhere near to being knowledgeable about Ayurveda but it intrigues me greatly as I find new herbs that help with so many ailments.

Ayurveda is the traditional Hindu system of medicine, which is based on the idea of balance in bodily systems and uses diet, herbal treatment, and yogic breathing. Literally translated it means “science of life”. Perfect for this series!

I won’t get into great detail about Ayurveda in this blog because it is highly complex and seems to change with the seasons. It is all about balance in the body, mind and spirit. I will say that the study of Ayurveda excites me as I expand my herbal supplements and research healthy ways to live my best life rather than just trusting Western medicine.

I will give one example of how Ayurveda techniques helped me last night and discuss one super herb that just arrived on my doorsteps.

I have had knee pain for a while now and with my increase in activities I have been gardening quite a bit which is hard on the knees already, but has caused me much joint pain of recent weeks. Couldn’t even get up without support of some kind.

So I was relaxing and exploring a new Ayurveda School (which I’m not going to do lol), but it had a section on Sports injuries. I checked it out and found that it is recommended to rub EVOO (extra virgin olive oil) on the afflicted joints. You have to rub a little vigorously, so I did so a little later with warm EVOO the front and back of my knees. I left it on for an hour as suggested and woke up this morning to a great relief of my joint pain. They still hurt but it is improved 75%. Amazing.

Here’s the thing though with Ayurveda, other types of pain encourage massage with different oils, so if it isn’t your joints EVOO won’t be as effective as other oils which I forget because it didn’t relate to my condition.

This new lifestyle has been on the horizon for me for a while now but it was confusing at first but I feel I have the brainpower now to learn more.

I actually have a free consult with an herbalist to discuss a new herb I hope to incorporate into my diet soon. It is callled Haritaki and is what the Buddha himself used. I am still learning about all its benefits but want to discuss it with an herbal doctor before adding it to my diet.

Next week I will continue this study of an Ayurveda lifestyle. Any questions or comments are always welcome.

Pax

Victoria

What is Schizophrenia like?…

Now that my days of suffering from Schizophrenia are behind me hopefully, I would like to share with those interested what suffering from Schizophrenia is like before I forget.

My mind was overactive in imaginings that everything related to me. I actually believed that the pandemic was because of me and that God wanted me to be at home rather than out and about. Seems silly now and untrue. It is nice now to go on a pleasant walk and not believe that everything that crosses my path is because of me. This has just stopped recently. Delusional thinking in every area of my life.

Back in 2006, prior to medication I was receiving messages from what I believed to be God. I also wrote prolifically in a journal my bizzare thinking. I heard voices a few times, again all very positive and all about how I was the most special person to ever live and to accept it. I do not believe this anymore thanks to my new supplement. My body was tired all the time, small things exhausted me. The only time I had relief was when I was asleep.

After being diagnosed in 2008 and going on medication, the messages ceased to exist. It was great but then I was in such a fog from the anti-psychotics that my days were very hard in a new way. I read recently that a psychiatrist, to see how the medication made his patients feel, took some Haldol. It was the worst experience of his life as it blocked all his dopamine and he was in a very sad state for several days. That’s what anti-psychotics did to me up until recently. Oh sure I got used to it and thought that was forever.

Now that I am taking new supplements on a schedule, my life has a new meaning, an excitement to live, a feeling that I have not felt in a long time, if ever. I believe (now) that I have suffered from Prodromal Schizophrenia all my life since 8th grade. Starting things and never finishing them, disorganized in my thoughts and judgements. Difficulties in relationships, super sensitive to criticism to a debilitating level and more.

I am also considering going off of disability and starting slowly to earn my own income. One of my delusions was that I was not to work ever again. I call myself a retired writer. I will give it some time but do feel I am capable of working. We shall see:) I am a good student and somehow got my Master’s Degree in Psychology post diagnosis in 2012. Worked in the mental health field for 5 years until stress took me out. Wrote a few books while I was psychotic. Now I’m working on completing a Nature Thought Journal, which I hope to self-publiish that has gotten great feedback. Before I never asked for feedback because I couldn’t stand criticism. Now I welcome it.

Those are just a few ways my mind was disordered. It’s shocking to me how my life has changed once again these past 2 months. I’m like a new person and excited to see what my future holds for me. I am self studying many things right now, working on several writing projects, have gotten my home in order at last, and now the gardens are left to create and manage. But I want to do more and I believe I shall. It just remains to be seen what I will do. If I can make an income from writing so be it.

Hope you all are well, welcome to any new readers, check out my early blogs from 2013 to 2021 for much drama of mind if interested. I wish my psychiatrist was on board with me and my new supplement routine but the thing is that not enough studies have been done on the supplement I am taking, which has gotten me to this life of recovery from Schizophrenia/Schizoaffective Disorder. So I don’t blame him for his lack of enthusiasm.

Pax

Victoria

Saturday series~Mind, body & Spirit~Anxiety, laughter and aromatherapy…

Welcome Readers to my second Saturday series. This week has been an interesting one with much studies on Consciousness but last night I found a book on Natural remedies for anxiety so am sharing what I learned and am already practicing. Today’s focus is the mind which also affects our physical and spirit aspects as well. When our mind is at ease we are much more able to exercise, eat right, sleep better to name a few benefits.

Anxiety and depression often go hand in hand and this is the case with me. It can be debilitating as I’m sure many of you know. Or it can be a mild annoyance as it is with me these days.

The first chapter digs right in to the old adage, “Laughter is the best medicine”. I know I need to laugh more but didn’t realize that even forced laughter is beneficial. When we laugh we release endorphins and I know this can be awesome. I laugh almost every day but have a good laugh at least once a month.

Laughter yoga and therapy can be helpful but I don’t have time for all that so I am doing what is recommended and just laughing at everything I can, even myself. I feel more joyful as when I laugh a smile comes upon my face. And with all the projects I have going on am setting a schedule for laughing at least 3 times a day.

Mental illness is serious so something free like this is exciting. I am serious way too much but am finding it more fun to laugh with someone instead of by myself. How do you like to laugh? Funny stories, the comics, movies and just laughing at the oddities of life all help me to laugh more. So I am scheduling it in my day to do list and tonight will be babysitting my granddaughter with my daughter which I always laugh when I am with them.

Laughter can be a great alternative treatment to medicine. Although I will keep taking mine, I know that with the following ways to incorporate laughter into my days will help along with medicine.

Here are some tips~

Start smiling more- this triggers the pleasure response in your brain which can be contagious ha ha. Smile at people or at yourself in the mirror. I know a smile from a stranger can brighten my day so simply returning it or smiling first can help. Notice the influence this simple practice produces in you and others.

Count your blessings to start with that we are alive. This helps to highlight the positive no matter what situation you are inn.

If you see or hear laughter join in. This will help in making connections stronger.

Encourage simulated laughter- non spontaneous but forced. Join in laughter yoga or set a timer for 60 seconds and start laughing bringing about a new perspective.

Watch funny movies or google funny groups. Even karaoke can be fun.

Place reminders of things that bring you humor, joy and smiles in your space with posters, pictures, etc..

Listen to a comedy podcast or youtube video. Check out this laughter explanation here.

“Basically invite laughter into every aspect of your life” from Body, Mind and emotional work for Anxiety by P. Restaino.

Aromatherapy

From the same book, chapter two, I rediscovered how many essential oils I use to benefit reducing anxiety. I jokingly say I am addicted to lavender. But I use it every night for a soothing sleep. I put oil on my hand to smell the half hour before I go to sleep and put some on my pillow and smooth it out but spray works as well.

“Essential oils and aromatherapy shift our nervous system through the sense of smell” Start simple and the book by Restaino recommends finding an aromatherapist to help you figure out which essential oils may work for you along with concentration and technique. I went to one once and discovered that I like bergamot and lavender together to ease my anxiety. But the book mentions rubbing frankincense into your scalp in the mornings. I might try that!

I highly recommend the book and if you have kindle on your phone you can read it for free.

Let me know what you think about using laughter and aromatherapy to help ease anxiety!

Pax

Victoria

Please don’t forget…

That we are all special and unique, even when we are feeling otherwise.

I have just come off of a 16 year long delusion that I was the most special person to ever live. What a burden that was to carry around. But thanks to taking Kratom for over a month this delusion is gone and I can laugh about it now. I mean come on that would mean I am greater than Jesus, Mary, Gandhi, etc..

Big lol over here.

I am not ashamed that I have Schizophrenia/Schizoaffective Disorder!

I am at my best and have been so busy living life that I haven’t been blogging as much lately. That’s ok sometimes but today I felt the need to let everyone I am doing awesome. Blogging increases my dopamine levels I have discovered, as does social connections, which I am making more frequently as of late, nicotine (much less these days), cold showers, and Kratom. There is much more but although I haven’t taken a cold shower, I have gone outside in the cold with shorts and tank top and find it beneficial.

When we are lacking dopamine, which is a part of having Schizophrenia, our pleasure center needs to be stimulated or we are apathetic, bored with our life and seek after drugs and alcohol. I have not had a drink in 11 months! I don’t miss it but sought out herbs to stimulate my dopamine levels and it’s working great! I need to dedicate a notebook to all the herbs I am trying, to remember which ones worked and which ones were like nah, didn’t do anything.

Anyway, just checking in and will be back soon but not everyday as I have so many projects, it’s unbelievable how much I am getting done. Normal people (if one even knows what that is) are able to start and finish tasks with ease. People with Schizophrenia don’t have the ability to do the same. I am starting to though and it feels great to be more “normal” than ever before.

Here are my current projects that bring me joy~

Digging up rocks in rose garden and weeding it too, with long gloves on the way

Side garden continued every day. It is quite lovely and the grass and wildflowers I planted are really progressing nicely.

Daily Yoga and long walks with my dog or daughter plus strength training 3x a week

Following nutrition recommendations for better brain health about 80/20 of the time which means lots of finding recipes and cooking them and cleaning my kitchen.

Writing my Nature Thought Journal (on day 6!, with a goal of 30 days)

Other writing projects especially Logotherapy

30 day Mental Health Journal by Joey talks, which I highly recommend

Enlightenment retreat (on session 4)

Studies of herbs, philosophy and consciousness

Painting my kitchen cabinets

Helping my mom as much as possible

Daily fetch with my pups!

Babysitting my granddaughter!

Weekly family dinners!

Spa bath time every other day

Maintaining a minimalistic lifestyle especially with my wardrobe

And more, basically putting my energy anywhere my family, home or other areas need attention.

Next today, dusting LOL

Have a peaceful week dear readers~

I will leave you with my favorite quote by Gandhi ~

Be the change you wish to see in the world…

I’m trying one moment at a time.

Pax

Victoria

A Powerful poem amidst the chaos in our world with Hope at the end…

Grace of the Sun is a poet I have recently had the chance of following her poetry.

Her poems often capture what I am feeling but in this poem, which I am posting, I feel encapsulates much of what our world is going through right now.

Read on and follow Grace of the Sun for more beautiful words rhythmically strung together for our benefit…. with a sigh I present to you her latest work of art~

Condition

Humanity,
falling apart,
with vanity,
consuming hearts.
Brutality,
flings hateful darts,
Stupidity,
erasing smarts.

Doubtful eyes,
walking around.
Hurtful cries,
vibrating sounds.
False disguise,
seem so profound.
Painful lies,
swiftly surround.

Great clarity,
causes restart,
community,
makes love an art,
brings unity,
hatred departs,
affinity,
flies off the charts.

Gained control,
pledges and oaths,
mend all holes,
so faith can grow.
Every role,
impacts the flow,
clears the soul,
so peace can glow.

– Grace Y. Estevez – Reddy

https://graceofthesun.com/about/

I feel this poem needs no interpretation

Have a wonderful Sunday and week:)

Pax

Victoria

Mind, Body and Spirit Series~Meditation…

With May being almost over I have decided to take this blog into an ongoing series of posts about all that I learn about the mind, body and spirit connection. I’m going to post this series on Saturdays because it will be the culmination of all that I learn throughout the week from basically everywhere. I am very excited and hope it is of interest to all of you readers:)

This week has been an interesting one observing different ways my mind is working now that I am in reality fully. I was seeing too many signs of which I was cured of that and for me signs represent delusions. I am not, however, saying that people don’t receive signs just that I was seeing and reading into things too much, which for me represents delusional thinking.

My mind is well rested today, though, and sat down for a light supper and was watching my enlightenment retreat, which is fascinating. I learned that without the mind, we cannot even perceive the body so hence I am now referring to this connection in the above order rather than body, mind and spirit. In meditation it is the goal to quiet the mind, so we can be fully present in spirit. At least that is my takeaway from today’s talk on my ongoing retreat.

I have read and experienced the monkey mind (thoughts bouncing around) quite a bit and for that reason was never able to meditate. I accepted it and felt that meditation is not for me. But now that I am really learning how to become one in mind, body and spirit I am much more easily getting into a very quiet time of meditation that rests all of me. This is great news as I have always believed that meditation is good for oneself, and now I am able to meditate successfully, if one can call it that. I just spend a few minutes throughout the day in this state and welcome it when I do so.

It’s amazing how creativity in my life pours forth when I do this. Creativity in my writing and reading, my yoga and other exercise I do each week, with my loved ones in conversation or just being with them, my gardens and whatever I am up to. When I feel I am able to tap into creativity for these times, a part of me rejoices. It gives meaning and purpose to my life and depression and anxiety are at bay.

This is my personal recovery from Schizophrenia and my experience may inspire you or not. I just will share what is working for me and hope that at least one person will be touched by my sharing.

Thank you all for your support as I navigate my new beginning, blogging a bit of it on my journey through life. I will end with my interpretation of a quote I keep coming across and I hope to relay it well, but it goes something like this. Happiness is not a destination, it is the journey along the way where we should be happy. I am happy today as I pursue my passions along with the experiencing the doldrums of life…

Pax

Victoria

Latest from the Blog

Coming soon to this blog…

Good evening all! Welcome to all the new countries with recent interest in this blog. I appreciate all visitors, wherever you are located, and hope this blog is of some help to you on your mental health journey. And thank you India, USA and Australia for being with me for a while now. As you […]

I cannot fight providence, God’s perfect plan…

As much as I would like to start working, it is not to be… It is true I am doing better than ever, but something always prevents me from working. I made an announcement recently that I was going to start life coaching and was very excited about it. But that same day, unbeknownst to […]

999 angel number…Release me~

Seeing this number on my phone for the first time tonight on one of my apps is a great significance in my existence…

It means the end of a phase and new beginnings…

This seems to be my theme for this year, new beginnings.

Tomorrow I am seeing a new life coach who is a somewhat expert in a new herb I have been taking for over a month now, that works as an anti-psychotic, anti-depressant and anti-anxiety relief supplement that has changed my life. I am still taking all my psych meds but tonight am going to see if I can sleep well without my ususal dosage of Klonapin. I have been taking a new supplement (a nootropic) at night that helps me sleep but gives me vivid dreams; we’re talking adventure movie detailed dreams!

It seems that for me that the Divine is willing me to be relieved of my Schizophrenia/Schizoaffective Disorder. First with offering me the ketogenic diet, which I chose not to pursue, but may incorporate a low carb diet in union with my supplementation which I will share tomorrow if my new life coach is in agreement. He is not a psychiatrist but I have a study from Yale Journal of Biology and Medicine that touts the effectiveness of the new herbal supplement I have been taking for a month now.

I accept whatever the Divine has for me, release of schizophrenia, or stay the gamut and keep taking my psych meds. He is not a doctor and my psychiatrist is against me going off my meds on this new controversial herb.

Not only do I feel in complete remission from my schizophrenia but also have gotten down to one cup of coffee a day, feel ready to quit vaping nicotine as don’t feel the need anymore and given me more focus, energy and optimism of which I was lacking intermittently prior to trying nootropics.

I was already doing well and now this. I am amazed and grateful to God for this new chance at my life changing once again. Can’t wait until tomorrow and my session which will hopefully bring the clarity that I seek.

For those of you following my past blogs, I also am not doing the zero limits philosophy as of yesterday. I feel much better with my own prayers and offering of my life to God than apologizing and constantly cleansing myself of ???? It was worth a try. I’m not returning to full manifestation practice but allowing God to bring to fruition all that is meant for me, my loved ones and the world.

I still believe I am not to work (this may change) but rather to continue writing for free and blogging as I have been doing especially focusing on Viktor Frankl’s work of Logotherapy, mental health (especially fighting stigma), nutrition for the brain and gut, and yoga. Of course this follows my theme for the month of taking care of mind, body and spirit.

I also have a side blog if anyone is interested about my encounters with God that is already published but will share it here, too, once I have more material on it. It only has a few posts as of yet, but if anyone is interested in it now, use the contact form above or comment with your email and I will let you in my spiritual world as well as this one:)

peace to all of you…

and may tomorrow bring us all the answers we seek for healthy mind, body and spirit connection.

Victoria

Trying out new WordPress features…

I’ve been busy today and excited for my son, daughter-in-law and granddaughter (7 months now and loves me and my daughter the most) to come over tonight for a spaghetti dinner. All my kids will be here and my husband who just asked “what are you doing on the computer? Blogging?” Yep I answer ha ha. Marriage can be fun and predictable at times and other times totally throw us for a ringer like the first part of this year…

Life is good and might actually venture out tomorrow to Safe Haven Open House in celebration of Mental Health Awareness Month, the place where I met my first of many, hopefully, non-binary friend. Hope to see them tomorrow if I go! Haven’t been struggling at all with my Schizophrenia so when they call we just catch up and talk about life in general or some hot topic one of us is interested in. They are peer counselors and very good at their job to say the least! I like to think I help them a bit as they have helped me so much from getting through self healing from DID disorder last year, to psychosis last December and recent toxic family member’s difficulties. They taught me to have compassion for all especially myself and were a huge part of my healing journey. Just having someone to talk to to voice my concerns with a non spiritual perspective made all the difference in my mental health and unusual existence…

Anyway, we shall see if I go. I’m good with the same people but sometimes meeting new people is very taxing for me as I haven’t tested my empathic abilities yet since I have been doing so well. I’m actually talking myself into going. Social anxiety, negative and positive energies will be present, but I will do what I have been doing all day and say in each encounter (to myself haha) I love you, I’m sorry, Please forgive me and Thank you to the Divine. It has really been a great day doing this instead of my usual prayers. It is like a cleansing of myself and works even if one doesn’t mean it.

Well off to cook noodles.

Pax

Victoria

Latest from the Blog

Energy and Motivation…

There are a plethora of ways to get energy: some already have it in their natural state (not me), caffeinated (used to be me), and herbal supplements (which is where I am today). There is also a type of energy that is created when one has a deadline or exciting event to prepare for, examples […]

Enjoying first social event without delusions… & a Love story~

I don’t want this story to be about me though, so I will just say it was nice to be at a wedding today with people I didn’t know yet feeling more comfortable than I have ever felt in my life socializing. No weird thoughts that the day was about me. That’s it about me […]

Pain can be addictive too…

I have endured so much pain in my life that it is odd now that I am no longer in pain.

Do I miss it? Kinda

But now I am addicted to learning and must be careful in time spent on it.

Right now I am in the middle of an enlightenment video series by Bentinho Manharro, an ebook called Zero Limits which I will expand on further in this blog, , a kindle book called Dopamine Nation, many books by Viktor Frankl, and creating my list of reading about philosophy, cosmology (not focused on this as much) and consciousness from the University I was thinking about attending.

It is wonderful to learn and expand my mind now that I am doing so well with my remission of Schizophrenia/Schizoaffective Disorder…

The timing is perfect. I balance my self-study with family time, gardening, eating healthy, chores and playing with my pups. I have two really good friends that I talk to or see every so often. It is enough for me as I am so busy with all my activities that I dreamt about doing for the last 5 years since I was put on disability for my Schizophrenia. From sitting all day every day to now managing a busy houselhold and a few other properties. I’m very blessed and feel fortunate for the life I have.

This leads me to the book I am listening to called Zero Limits by Joe Vitale which is the ultimate state (according to the book) beyond manifestation. I decided to blog about it because I have often promoted manifestation in my blogs. I always pray for the will of God in my manifestation practice but am going to give Zero Limits a try for 6 months.

Adopting this new mindset is powerful and requires detachment from any outcome. It is repeating this phrase in any situation or people I am around my day.

It goes like this:

I love you

I’m sorry

Please forgive me

Thank you

This is directed to the Divine or God or whatever one chooses to call the Power that is greater than ourselves. The book Zero Limits believes that this mantra or prayer will lead to wealth, peace and more.

I’ll let you know how it goes. But although I am not sure yet how it will go (kinda the idea) it is a concept learnt from secret practice in Hawaii.

It’s letting go and not asking for things, which I have done and also trusted in whatever God chooses for me. Although I did ask to be able to suffer for God and was given the gift of Schizophrenia in 2006, but it involved others in my life to suffer as well. I am now making up for lost time. I am now wondering if this gift is being removed?

I no longer rely on anybody for my mental health issues. This is huge!

So off I go to ask for nothing tonight but to repeat the prayer above and try to mean it. It is also about not trying to force things but letting go and being at a state of zero. I am not good at not having focus though so it will be an interesting trial…

I must share how I came to find about this sacred Hawaiian practice. I read a blog about it a few weeks ago and happened to save the blog. I was cleaning up my emails last night and came across it. I will admit when I first read it I was not excited about it and still am not for habits are hard to break. As I reread the blog I was intrigued further and checked my library to see if they had it. They did and it was on Hoopla for free. Possibly a sign? The bible also teaches to not ask for anything but God’s will in all.

I practiced that for many years off and on and had good results although not always the outcome I wished for but have become content if I suffer and content to be without suffering as I am now.

I am not promoting any one religion, just sharing how this morning I was for the first time in a while so overwhelmed with what to do next in a non-stressful way that I looked further into listening to this book and wonder how my life might change again.

What are your thoughts on practicing Zero Limits vs. Manifestation practice?

If you decide to check it out let me know.

Pax

Victoria

Dopamine and Schizophrenia…

Another podcast today which I will post the link at the bottom of this post. Huberman Lab, the podcaster, has a wealth of scientific information put into easy to understand (most of it anyway) nuggets that should be taught in our schools…So far I have watched Gratitude Practice, nutrition for brain health and today was mesmerized with examining dopamine and ways to get it easily and through supplements, one of which I was taking but found out today that it is actually quite dangerous for someone with Schizophrenia. Only took it 3 days in a row and I was fine but will not be taking it anymore. It is called Mucana Pruriens and it has L-dopa in it which is a precursor to dopamine.

I’m sure many of us have heard of dopamine but may not really know what it is so here is a simple explanation- it is a neuromodulator and controls not only pleasure, but also motivation, energy levels, focus and more. It basically controls the dance within our make up. Pretty cool!

So this led me to further research on why I can’t take this supplement. Does Schizophrenia have high or low levels of dopamine? He didn’t really get into it so I did some heavy research. If anyone is interested in reading some articles on this further, feel free to get in touch with my contact info. But I’m going to share what I learnt today about dopamine and how it affects schizophrenia.

It was really confusing as there is so much still unknown around Schizophrenia, from where it comes from with a strong propensity of it being genetic (I’m adopted so don’t know for me), to environmental. And also around the dopamine levels present in us with schizophrenia. It stated in the same article that there is too much dopamine causing positive symptoms (hallucinations, delusions, voices, messages in my case) and too little dopamine causing negative symptoms (lack of motivation). But life is a contradiction so I don’t mind when I find them in scientific literature.

For further study on positive and negative symptoms feel free to search my site as I have written quite a bit about both right here on my blog. I have suffered from both positive and negative symptoms but my anti-psychotics address both so doing much better these days but was hoping for further motivation with new supplements.

I’m not giving up as there was one he mentions that does not cause psychosis like Mucana Pruriens might, of which I am not willing to chance as I am doing so well right now with my disorder. Glad I found out and I feel God led me to this podcast, as there are so many by Huberman Lab that I am interested in from gut health, developing good habits and goals to more on brain health. I am setting my limit to one a day because it is a lot and over an hour of really well explained information.

So here is the brief summary of this podcast I stole from the comments with much thanks to ElderFox Documentaries~

So to recap.. 1) Don’t trigger dopamine all the time, even if gained through various sources. Try to dopamine fast. 2) Cold showers can raise dopamine without the crash. 3) Don’t layer in dopamine raising activities with things you want to get more motivated for. E.g Listening to music while working. 4) Don’t reward yourself before or after hard activities, let the activity itself produce dopamine.

Also he mentions social interactions along with supplements. If you are interested in listening to it here ya go- Controlling Your Dopamine For Motivation, Focus & Satisfaction | Huberman Lab Podcast #39

In the comments and description on Youtube there are time stamps if you are only interested in parts of it. I just checked and it is actually over 2 hours long! Whew that’s where my day went to.

But did finish my planting flowers in my side garden!

I will report back on the new supplements I am going to try after a month on them. If anyone decides to try any of them (except for no Mucana Pruriens, which is really only intended for people with Parkinson’s) please let me know and we’ll compare notes:)

peace

Victoria

Shifted my priorities…feeling happy 😃

Today has been a good day. Haven’t been wasting my time on things that make no sense.

Lots of gardening 👩‍🌾, podcasts on nutrition for brain health, studying supplements and making some good observations, and organizing my blog. I updated my about on the top menu and added a contact page.

Much chaos in my house because my husband is off with many projects and literally every room and the backyard is a mess lol but I’ll work on it later. Right now I’m finishing planting my flowers 💐 in my side garden happy today…

I also started a new gratitude practice which has nothing to do with making lists or journaling! It’s narrative but can be done mentally once one gets the idea.

So in simple words- choose a time in your life when there was a struggle, the outcome and how you felt about it emotionally 🖤. Positive story of your own or from reading about something that moved you positively.

I wrote it out the first time but it’s basically your brain appreciating someone thanking you for something helpful you or another did. Does that all make sense?

I’m basically summarizing an hour long podcast In just a few words. So I’ll provide an example…

A promising female student in Africa got pregnant and feared her sponsors and the school would force her to quit school and basically not use her many scientific gifts.

After much worries she decided to be honest with all and they encouraged her to finish school and she is now raising her daughter and received the reward student of the year.

They also because of her situation, began a new program for girls to learn about reproductive health.

This makes me appreciate everyone for not letting one mistake ruin her life and that much good came out of it. Makes me feel grateful and gives me hope for people to be more forgiving and open to new help for others.

This gratitude practice can take a minute or more and it is good to practice it any time of day , 3 or more days a week. Returning to the same story that made you feel grateful is good but also be open to new narratives.

Today one of my followers made me feel grateful for a poem she wrote that felt like was meant for me after my hard day yesterday. I may never know if it was God blessing me or if she wrote with that intention. But it helped lighten my day!

Off to gardening now!

Peace

Victoria

I won’t give up…or worry

Much angst today telling my woes through writing about ___…

I’m depleted of my good energy but I’m still looking up and bought some beautiful flowers 🌸 at our local nursery. Will plant them this evening…

I also prayed for Divine Will in my life and all I do after praying for all my loved ones and the world 🌎

I have peace once again and I don’t intend to lose it again…

I have come so far! I have overcome so much! I will not be defeated in spirit!

My mind and body might be tired but I took a Power Nap exactly 2:39-3:39 (my Fitbit keeps track) and all the numbers I see are in perfect order for me to move forward…

Learning what I am and what I’m not is an important lesson. I have new philosophical connections and even a publisher who might be interested in my writing on Logotherapy and it’s connection to schizophrenia.

This is a radical shift. Without… in my life I am progressing. This is how it ought to be. This is how it is. This is how it will be.

I have an important date coming up in 3 days with an intriguing decision to make. I will not worry about it. I will know what to do that day. God will lead me.

Sending love 💕

Victoria

May Series 2022~Inspiration in Nature…

But first a little brief housekeeping!

Thank you to those who are reviewing my nature thought journal!

And I want to share that mypersonalrecoveryfromschizophrenia has been rated as one of the top 20 Schizophrenia blogs by Feedspot! I manifested more readership and it is happening! Thanks Feedspot!

And for any of you with schizophrenia blogs like this one, feel free to apply as well. Good job! Good job me! ha ha link is right here for Feedspot…

Now for my current Nature obsession!

As any of you who have been with me a while now know that, I, like many people with schizophrenia have OCD qualities which can be good or bad depending on the type of reader you are and interest in the topic of my obsession. So I have been blogging in May Series 2022 about the body, mind and spirit connection that is lacking in most psychiatric and psychotherapy care. My blog on Logotherapy and Schizophrenia addresses this deficiency in current mental health care, which is part of how Logotherapy was born. I wish I knew now what I have been learning about with Viktor Frankl’s books, Man’s Search for Meaning and Will to Meaning and how when one has meaning in their life, they can stop being suicidal and not only survive and thrive, as I have begun to do. I might have even become a logotherapist…

It is all interconnected through our body, mind and spirit…

So where does Nature fall? To me it is found in all three. Man is unity despite multipliicity- paraphrased by Frankl. I am one person with 3 aspects of me.

So in nature, one can find inner strength through exercise (ie.. walking, sports, yoga and I might even try my strength training next workout), which raises our dopamine levels and helps the mind to be more balanced and even euphoric if enough energy is exerted! This happy sweet spot, which is different for each of us, leads us to thank our Creator for all the beauty and awe inspiring nature spots; that can even be found inside our house (see photo for my favorite houseplant), in our front or back yard, at our favorite park and even far away places like Maui! We are able to connect at a deeper level to the Divine when our body and minds’ needs are met but also if we aren’t quite there yet with an exercise routine, we can appreciate the delightful display’s of God’s goodness at its finest.

Last night I was appreciating the stars and moon. Here’s a borrowed thought- what if the stars only came out once every thousand years? We would all be out there on that night in amazement and awe. Yet we have the starry sky every evening and how many of us get out there to appreciate it. I know I am not always out there but go in spurts according to my interests.

Nature is everywhere! Where is your favorite local or vacation destination spot? Please feel free to share in the comments.

There has been much study about the wonderful benefits of spending at least 20 minutes a day in nature surroundings. I do pretty good most days…

Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better. —Albert Einstein

Becoming whole by addressing our body, mind and spirit connection may just be the future of mental health!

Have an awesome day!

pax

Victoria

Down my little street…much to ponder

This is a different type of post today for with new beginnings there is much to consider in my life with choices before me that have never existed until now. I happen to live at the end of a cul de sac so hence the title and it is where I spend most of my time with occasional excursions as my mood hits and errands necesitate.

I believe in manifestation according to desire. I desire balance between body, mind and spirit…

My Schizophrenia/Schizoaffective Disorder is well managed right now but I’m holding out for more than I have now. I am looking and researching some new supplements to help with the negative symptoms I still suffer from- which are mainly lack of energy/motivation and a less than optimistic outlook about my life and that of others from my loved ones to my readers on here to the stranger on the street.

I want to be the best version of me possible and I now set out to the Universe to God to the Divine all my wishes to have not just a mundane existence, but one of much progress of which I know I am already doing…

It is possible and it is not talked about enough. We just settle for the side effects of medicine for our disorder and I refuse to accept it any longer! Will be sharing my new supplement regimen after a month. I have been able to find the right medication cocktail to help me be in remission from Schizophrenia and now I look to Mother Earth for wise answers to overcome all that is still lacking in my center. If anyone else has any tips please do share!

Secondly, welcome to any new readers and followers:) I have opened up some new outlets to gain a wider readership and appreciate every like, comment and follow. I try not to let interactions to guide my blogging because if I did I would have given up by now.

Blogging helps me to get my thoughts out to the Universe in a sometimes radical, sometimes mundane and sometimes a resonating way. I often read through my old blog posts which date back to 2013 and have hopes to add more categories with organization to help others find some of my posts that I feel are helpful to me and all of you. So watch for changes as I find the time to do so…

And third, currently among my many projects that keep me happy, busy and entertained, I hope to manifest guidance from above. For wherever we put our energy there it will grow and while I don’t watch tv at all or am on any social media I spend much of my day listening to music, which I love but want to also balance that with my activities. My current obsession is Taylor Swift! Ha ha, and I’m 52 years young. Her music is great for studying, reading and writing. A very talented artist to say the least!

I like to read blogs and quotes, listen to podcasts and sometimes just sit while I eat. But often I get so engrossed that I wonder where does the time go? I also like to stay up late and read and interesting suggestion on a recent blog to get proper rest by staying in bed for 8 hours even if not asleep. I have been doing this the last few days and I do take an occasional nap or at least lie down and watch the trees blow in the wind from my master bedroom. It is good to sometimes do nothing but to rest our bodies and while the results aren’t in yet will be taking note of the days I do so and check energy levels.

So those are my three areas I am focusing on for improvement. Supplements, A Welcome and where to spend my energy. It is now midday and I’m not sure what I will be doing with the rest of my day. Many of my loved ones are sick right now, so probably focus on taking care of them along with cleaning and if the wind dies down gardening, which has been lacking this year. My houseplants are all doing great though, which is my way to spend some time in nature indoors.

I will also be working on my Nature Thought Journal which I hope to publish once it is done. I am looking for a few of my readers to review it so if you have the time, send me your email and I will share it with you hoping for feedback. I can be reached at victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com . I have myself not found a journal that is satisfactory for my purposes so am constructing one that I’m really proud of so far. Feel free to comment what you like about a good journal. Have a spectacular day and thanks for reading if you made it to the end.

Peace

Victoria

Blood moon Solar Eclipse meaning to me…

First off before the deep stuff~ Pepperoni Pizza ha ha, my son is even picking it up.

And then to observe nature in the dusk hours in its finest display in the sky

Cloudiness may interfere with its observance

But that’s ok because just as I know that ___ is there always as a fish has water all around it yet fails to know of water, the eclipse means new beginnings to me, not a new start, no rather an opening to greater things…of the body(somatic), mind(psyche) and spirit(logos)…

Body- stretching and flexing my muscles as I have been but now with increased weights

Not walking much, but perhaps swimming, this is due to an injury which I feel is no coincidence

Mind- stretching my mind to new levels

of most importance is writing the biography/memoir of a dear family member’s late husband

next it is dare I say it, learning SEO, Search Engine Optimization, to expand my readership

as I embark upon new ideas stirring within to blog and write about in depth as if my life depended on it

And philosophy- I have finally found a podcast called Philosiphize This you can find here. I became a patreon and will be emailing the podcaster, stephen west, to introduce myself and share some of my writing pertaining to his podcast and my own conclusions of which I don’t always agree with, but first going to listen to more podcast for perhaps the answer is not yet revealed?? Fun though to spar, not trying to win but to actually be able to communicate with a philosopher I don’t find boring at all!

Spirit- embracing what resonates with me

and leaving all the rest aside

choosing my own moral principles which align with that of what I have found beneficial from many religions

but releasing the baggage that has been a part of my spirit, which I will write tonight in my journal and burn tonight, and setting my intention for this new start…

And embracing my twin flame in spirit

AND LOTS OF YOGA!!!

PRAYER TO GOD ALMIGHTY!!!

AND MUCH THINKING ABOUT IMPORTANT THINGS…

Feeling within me…

I’ve been at a loss this week in many ways. Too many to write here. There’s been a lot of good too but today is hard.

My daughter is sick, I’m her caregiver when she gets sick 🤒 even though she is 28. and others in my life are not doing great right now so like usual I’m allowing other’s stress to affect me which I’m fighting with all that I am.

I just want to escape from it all. But am choosing instead to blog about it.

And then clean up the kitchen because I made an awesome dinner tonight which nobody except me ate.

I’m the one in recovery from schizophrenia but all those around me are falling apart. I’m not sure how to pick myself back up. I need a new day and am going to use my coping skills to manage my schizophrenia.

Cleaning and healthy smoothie are old favorites which worked tonight 😊

My schizophrenia has been under control thanks to God and my hard work that I put into every day.

So looking on the bright side of things as my dad taught me today was a very productive day despite all the lack of control I have over the people in my life…

I walked 3 miles, cleaned my house, took care of my daughter and pups 🐶. And took care of me! I also didn’t buy anything when I went to my favorite store to pick up an order. Progress!

I was thinking of trying to work again but know that the reason why I am doing so well right now is because I don’t work outside the home. But it’s hard to accept some days when I have so much to offer. That’s why I’m not going to pursue my doctorate. What is the point if I can’t work.

I will continue to write and blog because that helps me greatly. I forgot to mention that I also couldn’t use my laptop today the way I’m used to. It’s being funky and won’t go online. Which meant I couldn’t work on my Nature Thought Journal I started in Maui a few weeks ago. It’s coming along nicely so another frustration in my day.

I won’t give up is my mantra in all that I do.

I won’t give up on finding meaning in my life despite my diagnosis. It’s hard to believe that I earned my Masters degree in psychology post diagnosis! But I find meaning in helping others so feel free to drop me an email at Victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com

I answer all emails and have met some great friends on here. Also feel free to ask me any questions you may have about my experience with schizophrenia and check out my May series 2020 and 2022 above this blog. Tomorrow will be working more on May series 2022 and the mind, body spirit connection in psychiatry and psychotherapy.

I Truly feel a more holistic approach is needed to treat this disorder for people to recover.

Pax

Victoria

Embarking on the path to doctorate in Philosophy…

Yesterday, the stars aligned for me. I finally found a University that has everything I want in my next step in life. CIIS came to my attention and found the perfect degree that interests and excites me. I didn’t know it even existed. That’s how life can be…

One minute you can think this is all I am going to get out of life, and the next new doors are opened with a glimpse of what I never thought possible~ to get my doctorate in Philosophy, Cosmology and Consciousness at CIIS.

My best friend recently got her doctorate there in Transpersonal Psychology. I wasn’t even looking for a school, nor even dreamed it possible. Then yesterday at our brunch to celebrate life, I shared with her how I almost got scammed with a worthless doctorate from a stuffy school. She proffered why I didn’t consider her University. She mentioned a doctorate in Anthropology and I was immediately interested. But after we parted ways after a lovely time together, which is not often because best friends don’t need to spend every minute together I have learned, I actually found my niche degree.

On further research, I learned a degree in Anthropology would be about politics, which is not my interest. I wish to write about things that matter to me and to the world in a way I can make an impact, a profound contribution to mankind. So I looked at the 25 degrees they offered and found my match. Allow me to break it down in a minute. After I found my degree which makes perfect sense to me I signed up for a introduction session on May 17th. They sent me a link to a video which speaks on my degree and I was so excited that I decided to sign up for entry Spring 2023! I am now emitting to the Universe the means to either get a full scholarship or the money to pay for it outright. I feel if it is meant to be it will all come together.

Breaking down my degree:

Doctorate in Philosophy, Cosmology and Consciousness~

Philosophy- the study of the fundamental nature of knowledge, reality, and existence.

Cosmology- field of study that brings together the natural sciences, particularly astronomy and physics, in a joint effort to understand the physical universe as a unified whole.

And last but not least-

Consciousness- the quality or state of being aware especially of something within oneself.

This all fits nicely with what my May series is about this year. And how man is unity despite multiplicity, one human being with 3 aspects, mind, body and spirit. I don’t have words to describe how I see my future in studying these 3 areas of my doctorate. It’s like too perfect to be true.

Even if I don’t get a job, for that is not my ultimate goal in getting this degree but my brain craves learning about all 3 parts of this degree. I will continue to blog and write but pardon me for my focus is now learning more about how I can apply this new knowledge in a way that gives meaning to my life and that of others. I am beyond ecstatic about the possibilities this all means. It will be a transformative experience that only God and me knows where it will go and I don’t know for sure, because I can’t grasp it yet but more will be revealed.

Now that my Schizoaffective disorder is in remission, I can get on with my life and although I may never work for money, I can achieve my dreams of writing about all things that matter and this degree is the catalyst into a future with meaning.

Thanks if you read this far in my blog. Only one person in my life will understand better what I am writing about, my youngest son, who is actually taking me to Mother’s Day lunch tomorrow. I know he will get it because he is my philosopher and it is my hopes that we will work together one day. But if nothing else he will be the one I can bounce ideas off of and who will understand much of what I have already been studying excitedly about.

Today was a perfect day though in many ways, went on a hike by the beach with my dear daughter and spent the afternoon and evening with my mom, my oldest son and daughter in law, my granddaughter, my sister, daughter with her soon to be fiance, and my husband. It was a wonderful evening full of fun, food and good memories.

Happy Mother’s day to all my readers, even if you aren’t a mom in the sense of what we know of the word, all women should be celebrated today for I know many women who don’t have kids but yet their spirit is immeasurable in how they speak to others in care and concern and that is being motherly.

I have been blessed with 4 children and one granddaughter and I celebrate with all women, for while I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams, I am also fine when I am not with them especially getting lost in my studies and personal transformation. I will never give up being the best version of myself for me first, then my family and then the world. Hope I hold dear and hope I wish to spread to all, to one, to many. Blessed be…

pax

V

May Series 2022: Mind, Body and Spirit Connection

In psychiatry, the mind is the focus of treatment 99% of the time. This does us a huge disfavor in terms of our wholeness of self.

In my own experience of having Schizophrenia/Schizoaffective Disorder since 2008, I have only had my psychiatrist ask me once about how I was managing in spiritual matters and the question was posed as a curiosity, rather than as a treatment of my spiritual condition. It was never followed up and it was not a deep inquiry.

The body isn’t talked about much either other than the fact that I have gained much weight on anti-psychotics. And this was addressed early on in my treatment and then just accepted by my psychiatrist not me.

I am sure I’m not the only one who is in treatment for a mental health disorder, whether it be depression, anxiety, bipolar, psychotic disorder, or any other and have read the instructions for the many meds we take to manage our mind symptoms and have observed the following disclaimer- the doctor deems it necessary to take this medicine because the condition being treated is more serious and outweighs any side effects (then a long list of possible side effects) or something along those lines.

So we take our meds and observe the mind’s reaction and deal with the side effects, often taking another med to counter any negative reaction. I hate this! While my disorder is well-managed now better than ever, I have learned my own ways to deal with the unwanted side effects and I am still experimenting and open to anybody else’s successes at natural ways to counter them.

I will speak more about this in another part of this May 2022 series for I wish to further explore the neglect of the body, mind, spirit connection. For if one part of the equation is out of whack, how can we truly say we are doing well? It just doesn’t add up. We must be unified in all three aspects I believe to live a more functional life. Balance is what I seek after…

I learned this recently from Well Being Blogger in one of our few life coaching sessions. Her homework was simple and instructive and for me had the biggest impact upon my well-being. She asked me to write and do 5 things for my mind, 5 things for my body and 5 things for my spirit (which does not have to have any religious connotation). She also gave a few examples to help me but I was out of the gate running as I ran through my list quickly categorizing old and new ideas of how to manage these three aspects of myself.

It has been the elixir for my treatment plan and each week as I diligently started to adopt this 5 things practice, I became more connected to who I was and who I am becoming. I am quite pleased with the results thus far and would like to share a few examples of my routine. Some overlap as you shall see but I think you will get it and hopefully develop your own way and feel free to use any of mine. I also suggest taking a look at my May 2020 series published here for ideas and ways to incorporate them in your lives.

My 5 things

Mind- self study through reading and writing, meditation (walking I prefer, which can also count as spiritual as I observe nature), learning new words, practicing my Spanish and studying philosophy.

Body- exercise (for me this involves walking, yoga and just added strength training and swimming), proper nutrition (I’m trying whole foods eating 90% of the time), stretching, getting dressed nice (even though I don’t have a job) and gardening.

Spirit- yoga, ritual prayers, tending to the houseplants, listening to uplifting music of sorts and spending time appreciating nature.

I don’t do them all every day but do some of them every day like eating healthy, walking, reading and writing, and spending time in nature. The rest are on a weekly basis.

What are some of your 5 things you do for your mind, body and spirit?

Pax

Victoria

Happy Mental Health month! Upcoming

Great to be back home after a nice vacation and a relaxing weekend!

My usual series for May is in the works!

I will be exploring the body, mind and spirit connection focusing on the work of Viktor Frankl’s insight on how man is unity yet multiplicity. And how taking it beyond that can affect the world benefiting us and others.

My self study on philosophical ideas is causing me to turn this blog into a little different posts.

Hope will also be an ongoing theme for my writing and all it encompasses. Without Hope we are dead inside. Hope keeps us going and when it is lacking reading and writing and mindful activities provide it.

May you all have much hope today and every day, to live your best lives and embrace your humanity!

Forget any diagnosis for now but keep taking your meds as I do or keep trying to find the best cocktail for you! We are all different yet the same in many ways.

Peace love hope and joy be with you all!

Victoria

Feeling every emotion today…

Back from vacation day one. Stayed sober by the grace of God, not even a desire as my companions drank beer and mai Thais all day and night. Could have got a contact high from the locals at the park but ran the other way!

I like being sober but today I think it all caught up with me.

I felt every emotion I used to drink and get high over. Anger at the atm, cursing at it because it wasn’t accepting deposits, really? I’m still pissed.

Sadness over my dad’s passing and how he was the only person alive who truly supported me!!! I miss him so much and can’t wait to die and be with him again.

Confusion much with the time lag. Too many examples to share. but at one point some dude honked at me because my gas cover was open all the way lol after leaving a crowded gas station that after much waiting had parked on wrong side to put gasoline in. Left without closing cap.

Anger again at my husband but I got some shopping money out of it so there’s that!

And lastly love and joy because of my children, mainly my daughter. They are who I missed most on my vacation And of course my granddaughter ❤️

🖤🖤🖤

Grateful today to be in a place where I can be emotional 😭 😌🥰 and sober and not psychotic.

I studied quite a bit on vacation as well and excited to once again be in learning mode with Viktor Frankl’s books. So many new words and all very resonating with my mind, body and spirit!

Rest In Peace my new favorite author 🙏🙏🙏

Paz

Victoria

Schizophrenia and Logotherapy

Upcoming blog post on looking at Logotherapy in terms of Schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder.

Studying Viktor Frankl’s books on vacation, mainly Man’s Search for Meaning and The Will to Meaning. Light topics on Frankl’s theory and practice of Logotherapy he wrote from his experience in Auschwitz’s concentration camps.

He wrote Man’s Search for Meaning in ten days and its ways of giving meaning to the other prisoners who had lost hope is just incredible.

I would like to briefly interpret it in terms of Schizophrenia and Schizoaffective Disorder or any heavy mental health diagnosis.

There are 3 stages to explore. The first stage is shock, disgust and delusions of reprieve. The second stage is acceptance, apathy and routine and the third, which is where I am, is freedom, release and liberation.

I have been examining my stages and the hardest one was the shock I realized I was first diagnosed in 2008. It was a turbulent time of recognizing that my mental health was and continued to be precarious up until recently.

The second stage of routine, apathy and acceptance was the longest by far. I felt like a robot and that this was how it was going to be forever on heavy antipsychotic meds, many hospital stays and an apathetic existence.

Now that I’m in the third phase of release, freedom and liberation, I can use my experience to write about it. I can easily revert back to old patterns though with stress, lack of sleep and/or exercise and poor nutrition.

More to come in May as we prepare to celebrate mental health awareness month.

“If man has a why to live for he can bear almost any why” Nietzsche

Aloha

Victoria

Rainbows 🌈 abounding today…

After a difficult day yesterday here in Maui today was a breath of fresh air and rainbows 🌈. I was proactive with my choice of music 🎶 and what I spent my energy on.

It worked!

I relaxed in the morning with my husband and then we went snorkeling 🤿! It was the best day yet on vacation.

I was out in the ocean 🌊 and there was a turtle 🐢 swimming nearby but as hard as I tried and prayed I couldn’t find it. I finally decided that if I was supposed to find it I would and stopped obsessing over it. I stumbled upon a underwater reef with a plethora of fish, some exotic and some schools of fish 🐠 . It was glorious!

I learned a valuable lesson in this to continue to trust the process. I didn’t get to swim with the turtle 🐢 but found something else spectacular.

I also walked 4 miles today! I’m feeling great and hope to go snorkeling 🤿 again tomorrow and the next day and then home.

I was homesick yesterday, tired and cranky. Today I don’t want it to end. Finally ok without my kids here and enjoyed the sunset tonight along with rainbows 🌈 and Hawaiian music.

It’s funny because when I feel disconnected from God and myself I revert to old patterns that do not serve me well. Music is a huge part of my day and night.

It has been hard to be around my sister and husband with their constant need for alcohol but at least today got to enjoy a beach view while they drank. Has anyone else ever gotten a contact buzz just being around people who are drinking? It happens to me all the time! I have fun mostly.

Some days will be hard but then a new day comes and I get grateful again. Grateful for God, my marriage my sobriety and everything God wants me to experience. I’m learning you can’t have fun all the time but I’ll take it as often as I can.

Peace

V

Deep pain…

Yes, I’m on vacation in Maui but missing my home and all my kids and granddaughter.

I’m here with my husband and sister but their drinking matches are getting boring.

Today a wreckless stranger attacked 2 gay men right on front street in my favorite town in Maui. This upset me very much. They were defenseless in his beating them up. It hit me right now how those two men are feeling tonight. Nobody stepped in to help is the worst part. I didn’t watch but saw everyone run over to witness this unprovoked random act of violence.

The world isn’t safe and there is nothing I can do about it.

Last night I was in heaven working on a new writing project after a wonderful day and today I find myself at a loss for many reasons.

My pain is heavy tonight. One of my readers just wrote about pain and how we must know our own pain before we can be empathetic to others.

I agree and still have my deepest darkest secret which I only share with my therapist. I actually wrote a long essay about it and will discuss it in our next session.

This pain leaves me at times but tonight every part of my body and mind feels it.

Perhaps because of the attack, feelings of low self worth, and some new physical problems which I seriously would rather have than mental health problems. I’m currently in remission of my schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder on meds.

It is wonderful but this secret doesn’t help. I haven’t killed anyone or anything like that but not feeling very spiritual today.

I pray now for those who were attacked and the attacker and those who could have helped but didn’t…

And I pray for me too, for what I’m not sure but for release of whatever is bringing me pain.

Peace and love

Victoria

Maui vibes

This is me taking in the aloha spirit of Maui, my heaven on earth. Never have I felt such peace and tranquillity to my very core as on this island.

It is a different vacation here this time…

I’m content and blessed to be surrounded by my sister and husband, enjoying nature and all that my God wishes me to experience.

Last time I was here in September it was a different story which I will not tell tonight.

I am at the best place mentally, spiritually and accepting my physicality limitations but embracing every part of me.

It is times like this that I imagine myself doing great things here and when I get back home. But also a lot of rest and recreation.

I’m planning to compose a journal with daily writing prompts among other writing adventures. I have been remiss to find one that is inspirational for my personal use so will try my hand at writing my own.

I’m also inspired to finally create a secret Japanese garden where I usually plant a veggie garden. I weeded before leaving for Maui so all I need is plants, stones and some type of bridge or small pagoda.

Off to take a bath and relax some more.

Aloha and mahalo for joining me in spirit to be open to new possibilities in life.

Victoria

Marriage and schizophrenia

I’ve been married for 30 years and it has definitely been the hardest and best thing to ever happen to me/us. As I listen on loop to Ed Sheeran/Taylor Swift song, The Joker and the Queen, I am reminded how much we have been through. From humble beginnings, I was a waitress working night shift, he was my boss, the night manager. If I had known when I met him the first time, I would have been different somehow. But the clenching time came a year later when he crashed his motorcycle, which he got rid of after, I nursed him back to health and fell in love with his caring yet gruff nature and soul…

The hard times have made the good times even more rich. Right now it is a rich time of trips, time at home and exploration of much.

He doesn’t understand my disorder but accepts me for all of it and sometimes it can get pretty rough. Dealing with me psychotic, meeting with a team of doctors at UCLA in 2008, not knowing then how hard the next 16 years would be. Meeting with therapists, learning through experience that we are meant to be together with our quirks, mine more than him haha.

Now that I am stable in mind, body, spirit and our finances, it is even better. Last night and this morning were perfect examples of our unbreakable union.

We don’t sleep in the same bed for various reasons, his snoring, my late night habits etc.. it works for us. But most nights we spend time together in our marriage bed with me massaging him as he falls asleep. We talk about our day and the next, make jokes, make fun of ourselves and discuss our children and granddaughter. It is a good practice we have done for years. He has tried to massage me but he’s too strong and i’m too sensitve so I don’t mind giving him this gift most nights. He says it helps him sleep better:)

So last night we just held each other for an hour with our heads together on the same pillow. I enjoyed this very much. He fell asleep with me in his arms and I started to doze off too but hadn’t taken my night meds so ended up getting up at midnight as he wakes up at the disturbance and asks “where are you going? I love this, he didn’t want me to go away even after an hour of us just being together in embrace. I might have slept there but must have my meds to help me sleep. But the fact that I was tempted to stay was a good feeling.

His energy can be very strong and critical and me being an empath as well makes it difficult and strange at times, wonderful and pure bliss at others. He is also a big softie sometimes and acts like a big baby with many needs which I sometimes meet happily most of the time.

Then at 6:30 in the morning he’s running around the house waking everyone up because he thought there was an earthquake. I remembered that there was a shuttle taking off from Vandenberg airforce base taking off this weekend in the am so he checked on the two adult children who live with us still and went back to bed. In less than 5 minutes he was back to our side of our small home because there was another loud noise. By this time I was awake and got up with only 5 1/2 hours sleep:( He’s back in his bed snoring away undisturbed by anything.

Once I wake up I cannot go back to sleep so I’m like trying to figure out what to do. I journaled about him and now chose to blog about marriage and schizophrenia.

We don’t discuss my disorder much. But he knows when I need my space and when I need to be with him or others. But when I am at my worst, he wishes it all away sometimes with unkind words like- just pick yourself up by your bootstraps, ignore it, you’re fine, don’t think as much. These words are not helpful at all and make me try very hard to be stable at all times, at least as much as possible.

I can write about it now that I am doing well but in the midst of the chaos of my mind, things have never looked bleaker…

That is all I wish to share about marriage and schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder except for the wonderful newest development in our marriage~ he has accepted that I cannot work and I am at peace in knowing this.

Peace

Victoria

What if I don’t want to be cured of my Schizophrenia?

Today is a special day for me; it is the 16 year anniversary of receiving the gift of Schizophrenia.

The year was 2006. I had prayed to be able to suffer for God and He answered me in giving me the gift of Schizophrenia during Easter Vigil Mass in Our Lady of Guadalupe Church in Guadalupe Ca. A Gift of confusion of the mind, messages, voices and much distress. I remember it all vividly. And it has brought me to a life of not being able to work, but being able to help many, through my blog, through my family, friends and strangers.

In some cultures people are revered if they have Schizophrenia. Well I don’t want to be revered but I have certain abilities that are at times unexpressed fully because of my Schizophrenia.

Today I awoke early and without much direction. I decided to read more of Yes to Life by Viktor Frankl. This was after I wrote in my journal asking God what He wished of me. I found much meaning in Frankl’s treatise on illness and suffering.

I could be in remission with the ketogenic diet if I chose. But I know that in my heart I am meant to have this disorder and must embrace it fully on meds. The suffering has eased much with my cocktail of meds just right but I still have lingering delusions which have lessened even more being on a ketogenic diet.

Some may call me peculiar that I would choose a life of Schizophrenia over a life without. II even do. But I know today with absolute certainty that I am supposed to embrace this gift and not reject it.

So this blog will continue with me having Schizophrenia and being on meds. For even though the meds stop the constant messages and voices, they do not eliminate when God wants to touch down and for that I am grateful.

But others who do not see it as a gift should seriously check out ketogenic eating to be put in remission from Schizophrenia.

I have meaning in my life today with my mad existence and I choose life over death again and again.

Off I go to eat some carbs. Off I go to make preparations for a wonderful Easter celebration tomorrow. And who knows I might even go to Holy Mass tonight just to see if there are any more gifts for me.

I believe in God, the father almighty who reigns over heaven and earth. But that is just me.

I will also be re-blogging my post on the gift and how I received it if I can find it. I am also in the process of revamping this blog to make it more user friendly. Thank you for reading and being a part of my journey. For those of you who have Schizophrenia/Schizoaffective Disorder and have been silent know that I pray for you much through the years of my blogging. Having this disorder is not always fun so feel free to write to me at my private email, as many of you have, who suffer with this disorder or any loved ones at victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com

God bless and keep you all!

peace, love, light and joy

Victoria

Ketogenic Diet to fight Schizophrenia?

I started a ketogenic diet April 11, 2022, with no more than 20-30 grams of carbs, to lose weight for my upcoming trip to Maui. Well the results are unclear yet but brain started feeling different yesterday. I am in light ketosis already and have found studies leading to a Youtube video (see below for link) on how people with Schizophrenia/Schizoaffective Disorder can go into remission and decrease or stop their medications on a ketogenic diet. I am dumbfounded at what this may mean to my life and this blog.

I have a free consultation with an expert in ketogenic diet and brain health Monday. Excited at the possibilities. Interesting that I have finally found my right cocktail of meds recently and now may be changing it but who knows?

Any comments are welcome as usual.

V

How the Ketogenic diet helps Schizophrenia

“Endurance itself is the greatest achievement”

by Viktor Frankl from his companion book to Man’s search for meaning, Yes to Life. A fascinating read for anyone who is contemplating suicide or their purpose in life.

Suffering at any level is painful unless one sees obstacles as opportunities.

I see my life more clearly today. My moods change like the moon but at the same time I am learning and have learned so much it is hard to put into words.

Endurance of the mind, to figure s*() out. I am good at doing this but yet this blog itself is a challenge for me to make accessible to all of you. There are over 500 blog posts, some ramblings, some informative and some deep looking into who I really am, which I am still figuring out.

I have figured out so many challenges with my disorder. I haven’t even shared half my story. But endurance is at the very heart of my existence navigating mad thoughts and ideas to make my life better.

I am proudly not on any social media. The other day at the store a cashier was sharing a bunch of random facts with me about rain water properties and I was enthralled by it all. When I mentioned I prefer to blog and read blogs than watch tv, she was like do people really still do that? She was young but I was in shock because it is much of my world.

I hope that others are intrigued, inspired and challenged as I continue to blog, enduring the pain, which is minimized now. And always looking for more meaning in our existence.

V

This is who I am today…

A human being

in recovery from many addictions

A daughter

A wife

A mother

A gramma:)

A friend

A helper

What do I believe in? God for sure, but beyond that don’t really know…

Who do I want to be? Someone who makes God proud…

Am I close? I will never know until I die but will keep trying

It no longer plagues me but still in a dark space at times

today I was melancholy and that is honestly my least favorite place to be

I want to live my life as if today is my last day not just be blah…

I’d rather be caught up in drama or sad to say psychotic or so depressed that I curl up in a ball and have no energy.

I do not have a lot of drama currently but the past few months has caused me much angst over ____

I even thought for a brief moment like getting high but I know I cannot go back that route because when I get high I want to do it all day and that is not good at any level for anyone.

So I had a bit of chocolate and took a bath and called a few people.

Sober another day!

Yes, I have Schizoaffective disorder but my meds are working wonderfully right now.

Didn’t mention I decided to go strict keto diet a few days ago and gave up sugar. I will adapt and the bit of chocolate got me through a rough patch.

Heading to Maui next week, so a bit of pre-vacation eagerness. I love my home but Maui has the best vibe to me in the world. On aloha time there is no hurry, pure beauty, warm ocean and time with my sister and husband. They drink a loooot. but it doesn’t bother me. I’m way more fun sober and they all agree!

I have been reading a lot lately and awaiting a response from a family member if she will take on my offer to write the biography of her recently passed husband. His life was amazing and I offered to write about it. So all my life is on hold currently and I have never been known as a patient person. Waiting for things has always been hard for me as is keeping secrets. I do have one I may write about though. but time will tell.

v

Venice Beach tonight..

Enjoying being out and about at Santa Monica pier and Venice Beach in California.

Last night was a night to fully grieve for my dad who passed away last September. Many tears, realizations and emptiness inside after some journaling.

Wednesday I read the eulogy I gave at my dads funeral in December to my therapist. It was received well. My therapist understands better now the kind man my father was to me. And that my dad is still a huge part of my life from heaven above.

Every time I see a plane which often happens when I need it, some ethereal moment in my day confirmed by a plane or any time I bite an ice cube 🧊! Orbs in pictures still or videos along with his gentle guidance.

I will ask him a question and wait and often I know exactly what he would want or have a new thought or word come into my head.

The grief is no longer unbearable but still miss him very much. I read my journal from last year and I read my own words that when my father died a part of me would die inside too. It is true even though I have him in a different way now.

Tears 😭

I am very happy tonight though to be on the right cocktail of meds so my disorder remains at bay. And my life coach has given me new homework on how to protect myself from negative energies. Already used one today at the beach where there were so many people.

When I get back home tomorrow will be continuing to work on my new article about the symbolic meaning of the lotus flower 🌸 and how its sacredness and inner wisdom is helping me to heal as a sometimes dark empath.

My past few months of angst are behind me and I find comfort in music from Iceland 🇮🇸. Piano and string instruments along with one woman’s deep enthralling voice of exactly where I am at.

Peaceful tonight and wishing you all peace as well as having schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder is only brought to my mind anymore when I am taking my meds.

I feel I am emerging as a new person with some pain but no longer delusional and emotionally stable which I see continuing as long as I stay on the safe path.

Back to my title, Venice, my husband and I drove the coast down highway 1 aka pch pacific coast highway and he drove so I got to fully appreciate the beauty and powerful waves of the Pacific Ocean. Was perfect!

We got lost but avoided an accident several times along the way. We sat in our car and listened to kroq and punk rock music 🎶 from times of old and just enjoyed the day. He people watched and I stared at the Ferris wheel 🎡 in picture wishing I could go on it or at least the merry go round. I didn’t because there were so many people but pretended which I am good at.

Tomorrow attending a celebration of life for my husband’s cousin who dropped dead at age 41 a few weeks ago. So sad 😞 as he left behind two young daughters and a wife who is strong but must be hard. Will be a day with his family. But today was good to spend all day with my husband ❤️

V

So what is the purpose of life, I ask again?

In my new found freedom from addiction to much, I have asked this question again and again and have not gotten any satisfactory answer until tonight.

For in seeking to understand the meaning of life, we miss out on it really.

My yoga book* tonight posed this very question as I sat down for a quiet meal to meditate and enjoy the serenity I have created in my home tonight- candle burning, fantastical music, much thought about nothing in particular but at ease, mostly.

This is what I read, “to expand, to create, to live abundantly and beyond, to explore and most of all to inspire.” I am doing this already in unspoken intention albeit not perfectly yet and am grateful for all that I am, all that I have, my thanksgiving is perpetual~ Thoreau

No words to add to this blog tonight.

V

*YOGA: Self Love Through Yoga (BREATHE) (Yoga For Beginners, Yoga Poses, Benefits of Yoga, Yoga Illustrated) by Lei Camille, kindle edition, Amazon

I’m holding out for more than I have now…

I’m dreaming big tonight!

My past is behind me, no more looking back.

I’m in the now and the now is pretty damn good. The future will come and I will deal with it one success, one failure at a time.

Writing ✍️ is my passion as is taking care of my mind, body and spirit. Also learning how to control if possible my empathic abilities or deep intuition at times as I embrace my sober existence.

Livingtd- living the dream I could never have thought up if I tried. I am figuring out who I want to be at many levels; as myself first, daughter, wife, mother and gramma ❤️

Today wasn’t perfect but my mindset is as I say yes to life and thrive in most of what I do.

More coming soon as I prepare for a getaway with my love of my life.

Peace be with you all!

Embrace peace and harmony and never stop trying to figure things out!

Victoria

Musings of the day…

No gardening this week at any level! I hope that my overrun garden isn’t a sign of my spiritual condition.

Still doing nothing but study altruism today. I find all sources to be lacking so far of what I seek and wish to study. Altruism is the art of giving with no benefit. Sitting around talking about our accomplishments isn’t my idea of doing good. So I ask it again~ Is altruism possible in this day and age? For to give with no benefit is really hard to do. When I gave to a family in the Ukraine I was giddy with excitement. That isn’t altruism but I couldn’t help it and then I got a thank you from the family for they wished to express their thanks fully. But instead of helping me feel good about my good deed it made me feel worse.

But I will keep on keeping on, blogging and writing articles for Edge of Humanity and other magazines I hope to find where my articles can be read and perhaps help a soul or two or many.

I have much freedom today to do as I wish, to buy whatever I need, to exercise and eat healthy but I ask again the question, how can I enjoy my comfortable life when others are in great need and in despair over war, poor health and the unthinkable? I can’t really, I must do more.

My new life coach has helped me greatly to design a life vision board which includes addressing my addiction to drugs, alcohol and _ _ _ by giving much thought to my mind, body and spirit activities. I have created an online vision board using a free site called Canva. For detailed instructions go here. It is easy to use and although I did sign up for the free premier trial to get the design that I wanted of muted colors and the perfect layout, you don’t have to and it is likely I will cancel it before getting charged monthly but enjoy it in the meantime. I downloaded my copy and saved it as my screensaver. This is mine. Not sure why there’s a black line in center crossing my mom’s name out lol subconscious message perhaps.

Minimalist Sage and Brown Boxes Vision Board (Desktop Wallpaper) (18 × 9 in)Download

It is a great help in my holistic approach to recovery from the addiction of the day. Those of you who are addicts will understand that. I am an addict and freely admit I am powerless over many addictions. One is too many and a thousand is never enough. So I stay on the safe side and avoid them like the plague. I have to think like this for my sanity, for my recovery.

Although my thinking is hot or cold, black or white, I am finding with this new approach in my recovery that I am discovering a lot of grey areas and I like the color grey very much.

No more meetings right now for me and no desire to use or return to poor choices that leave me depleted but instead an exciting journey into myself, especially finding yoga daily to be beneficial!

I will leave you all tonight with my favorite quote of the year.

I am grateful for what I am and have. My thanksgiving is perpetual.
— Henry David Thoreau

peace, V

The Art of doing nothing…

I’m supposed to be resting today after oral surgery this morning which went well.

But it is very hard for me to do ….nothing.

I am no longer lazy thanks to my wonderful team of support, my own gumption and finally finding my passion in life- writing ✍️ and much more really.

My life is rich and full. Not so much with financial ease but with a lovely husband, 4 kids, a granddaughter, friends, and my team of support especially my newest member a wonderful life coach who has helped me in so many ways by giving me homework that makes me think.

I love to think but tonight I must do nothing. I’m wondering if blogging and thinking counts as doing nothing. Probably do so good night all.

How can one do nothing when there is so much to do in life? I am never bored anymore because sobriety agrees with me.

I can truly say that I’m living the dream!

Pax

Marriage and solitude…

I have the perfect marriage I just realized!

I have a husband with many friends and Vw buddies, who works long hours and who is often absent by alcohol or tiredness.

Me on the other hand loves solitude and only has a couple of close friends and those 2 friends are busy with work and their families. So I have lots of time for reflection, writing and doing whatever I wish.

Oh I have the mundane chores naturally and I prefer it that way because I enjoy keeping up with the house and use that time to think too. About life, about death and everything in between.

It’s the perfect scenario. We don’t even sleep in the same bed but that’s ok too because he snores and I’m a night owl.

Feeling blessed indeed!

We do spend time together but it isn’t all the time. I like deep meaningful conversations and lately we’ve had a few. I feel closer to him than ever because he gives me space as he gets so much out of hanging out with the guys.

My disorder is at bay and I expect it will be now that things are in place for our future. After a chaotic few months things are looking up and even though I’m having a tooth extracted tomorrow I am at peace tonight and just a bit nervous they might put me under.

Found a new blog of philosophy I’m obsessed with and it’s giving me much to ponder about for my next article.

Peace be with you all

Victoria

Poverty at its lowest and finest…

I am not poor today but have been in my life many times.

Poor in mind, poor in spirit, poor in body and lastly but not least poor in finances.

Tonight I soar with the light being free from the most unusual situation I have alluded to on here. Telepathic situation of feeling another’s hold on my mind. A controlling well meaning being but burned that bridge completely and tonight I am at peace which has not been the case for months. It affected my mind and heart. Content tonight.

So being at my finest today until I learn to control my empathic abilities. Much to learn but have good guidance now and I don’t question my existence anymore. Prior to tonight I was walking with my hands bound into this person’s garden. Shame and all the emotions that go with that were my constant state of confusion and best friend. no more.

Poor in body. I guess I am that now but don’t wish to focus on that tonight hoping that the infection in my root of my tooth will be taken care of Tuesday with expensive extraction and implant after. Knee problems, hip bursitis, thyroid disorder (Hashimoto’s thyroiditis) and more. But somehow I walked 5 miles today and got much done despite lack of sleep which is both mental and physical connection.

I’ll keep going until I die! None of my issues are life threatening though at the moment so there’s good in that. I’ve always had physical health issues since childhood so I’m used to it. I try not to complain; Hope I’m not now.

Poor in spirit I am not. Rituals surround me and try to do good in all I do for me, my family and friends and the world. Since I was a child, I have always helped others except when I was using drugs and alcohol. Coming up on 9 months of recovery and have now a new focus for my days. I’m sometimes religious but not tonight . All religions interest me until they don’t make sense so tonight I claim no particular faith.

It is good for some and I stand in no judgment for those who choose it or who don’t. One of my dearest friends is secular and from them I glean much insight into whatever problem presents itself in my life.

I just try to live my life to the fullest every day I can and I believe that is all any of us can ever really do. When I see a need and it is in my power to help, I do.

Poor in finances is actually what I wish to focus on for many in this world are fighting to survive and support their families. I can only share my experience with this. My adult daughter calls it luck but I prefer to call it something else entirely. Some would say faith others fate and me well im not really sure why but I have been poor and happier than when I’ve had much and been disordered like now.

Being poor requires a certain discipline, a constant decision of what is most necessary for me to be ok. I don’t need much to be happy except love and I am blessed with that as well. My parents scrimped and saved and we often went without. But we were happy for Saturday night’s when we got to eat a frozen pizza sometimes.

Contentment is not found in things despite what the world teaches us.

But having a house and car is a certain security that many do not have. I’ve walked my share of miles in dirty sneakers with holes being without a home or car and still been happy. Wanting more at those times in my life always created discontentment so I made due and pretended I had more when I was cold and hungry. In the end I always got exactly what I needed and that hasn’t ever stopped happening yet.

For I believe our happiness does not rest in our material possessions although I do take comfort in my cozy bed but I have been just as content sleeping on a bench or the floor. Just can’t stand the cold.

Can anyone relate to my musings tonight?

What can you not live without?

For me it is love that is the glue to my existence and I just recently found that out.

So if you are loved by anyone feel grateful even if it is a fur friend. For love is truly all that matters in the end.

Peace

Victoria

Article on my experience with suicidal ideation;

As I finished this late tonight and submit it to online magazine Edge of Humanity, I’m at a quiet inn in California with my dog; I am blessed with much peace and serenity despite much drama of my mind in between the quiet moments seeking a solution to a certain situation which has caused me much angst recent months. Feel free to comment and use search feature beneath article for more of my blogs, ramblings and everything in between since starting this blog in 2013.

Peace be with you all:) V

The Ocean calls to me often~

Not always in a suicidal way like times in past, no it calls to me with its beauty and power and vastness…

As I attempt to transcend my experience, may yours become one of acceptance, too.

I have been suicidal much in my life; from my teenage years with a death wish to my time when I was first psychotic, and times in between, until recently.  Thinking I would be better off dead was a much easier way to survive in my mad and unusual existence on the planet earth.

What is it that causes so much angst and wishes to be done with this life?  Death seems the better option than to live in agony, caused by me, circumstances and even my loved ones.  But then I think, and this is the only thing that has truly prevented me, how much more grief I would cause the people in my life if I were to kill myself.  Yet, if others in my life knew the suffering I often feel and have felt since 8th grade (52 now), I think they would be glad for me to be at peace and no longer a part of this world. 

I don’t feel this way right now gladly for being suicidal is a sad state to be in; dying seems better at the time than living.  And the pain does not cease until some sort of intervention occurs to help me want to try to live again.  Hospitalizations, medicine and intense therapy along with deep introspection are all my elixirs leading to not only survival but also a very rich happiness to be alive. 

Many failures in this life lead me down the familiar road of wanting to die. 

But people, good people have come to my aid, again and again and so I continue to breathe life into these words to anyone considering it.  It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem I have been told; it is a coping skill, I learned of recent months.  It is not the answer for me but it has been the answer for so many that I choose to dwell on this idea, this right, this choice to die at my own hands.

Can’t I get a new life?  I often wonder, which is unrealistic, naturally, so I run anywhere else instead, hoping to get new perspective on my existence.  I have stopped running now for I feel safe, safe in my marriage of 30 years and safe in my state of life- being on disability because of my schizoaffective disorder, and unable to work outside the home, despite having a Master’s degree earned post-diagnosis.  But watching and helping others in my life succeed in the workplace is hard at times.

I choose instead to find purpose in my writing.  Not to give hope to others for hope is overrated when one is suicidal, but to learn acceptance with the cards that have been dealt and make the best of it.  For the gifts we possess might just be hidden from us, or unrealized, un-profited for some.

I went to the ocean today and this time was at peace and appreciated its beauty, power and vastness and I chose life over death, consciously.   

#humancondition #suicidal #beautypowervastnessofocean #suicide #suicidalideation #acceptance

Beautiful day and evening last night…

This is me today. Just a trickle of water at a water fall an hour away! Took the drive by myself so I could come and go as I wish from husband’s Vw car show! 303 Volkswagens from as far as Washington to here in California! With a tribute to last year’s winner of oldest driver of a Vw being 92 who passed away this last year ❤️. Families with dogs and kids abounded with glee at all the different types of Volkswagens present.

But me not impressed with cars hiked upwards to the falls. It got colder as I moved my legs and snapped this photo to remember the exhilarating feeling of success. I said hello to several fellow hikers and made friends with one dog. It was a good day with 3 miles in total.

I’m tired tonight.

Yesterday was recovery from the previous days of angst . I’m telling my story backwards though so bear with me as I start at the beginning.

Yesterday was my husband’s birthday. He was out with his best friend and I had the house to myself all night. It was glorious!

I attended two recovery meetings and was of service on accident lol and shared at both meetings. It was good and I’m grateful once again for my sobriety!

After I journaled, took a lovely bath and did short yoga 🧘‍♀️ stretching. Then I stayed up late researching the internet for a situation that baffles me. It helped especially since it had to do with psychology and love. Didn’t find the answer but ruled out quite a bit of confusion in my mind.

Woke up early today and was at peace. Found a new obsession of an app called Blinkist that gives snippets of books and the main ideas of much information I am interested in. Listened to 5 summaries and read 3.

Then I headed out for my adventure. I don’t have any close friends so I decided to call it my solo adventure. It was grand! I like me and enjoyed my own company very much. I stopped when and where I wanted to and listened to my music and thought a lot about the past month and a half.

Progress not perfection as we say it in recovery ❤️‍🩹

I will sleep well tonight, that is after editing my writing ✍️ piece on suicidal thinking. It’s called “The ocean calls to me often “ and if all goes well I will be posting it tomorrow.

It is sad with dare I call it hope but the truth of my mad existence.

So stay tuned and wishing all my readers some peaceful days amongst the hard ones!

The peace didn’t last…

Well I had two days of peace so there’s that.

Tonight I am fighting for my sanity and fear I am at a loss.

Started in the morning. Shared on a public forum I have schizophrenia. Big mistake. I shared a piece of my experience with a trusted friend who has helped me in so many ways. Who knows what they think of me now. Doesn’t really matter except to me.

I don’t like people I know personally to know how much I suffer with this disorder.

It’s not shame but rather that they may pity me which is the last thing I ever want. I want to pretend that all is well. But it is not, peace may come at times but this disorder is a bastard. My mind is my worst enemy and other times my best friend.

I always find the darkest place to go.

Yesterday I was of relief and tonight the chickens in my mind are tearing each other apart which is why I have music on pretty much all day. Tonight it isn’t even working.

There was much good in today though. Last night I wrote an article for my new platform and got feedback from a trusted friend and the feedback was insightful and positive. The part that I feared wasn’t going to be well received was their favorite part. This gives me hope to finish it tonight although it is late.

Off I go and this article I will be sharing on here as well. It is on what it is like to be suicidal and I only wrote it to help loved ones to understand a little bit about it in my own experience. So follow me if interested.

Peace ✌️

Victoria

Enjoying peace tonight…

New music is in my ears past week and I think it is helping me to be in a better place.

I was listening to the same music for the past few years and it is nice to be obsessed with a new band~Brandi Carlile and the twins. Her concerts and interviews are mesmerizing. See my favorite concert of hers down at bottom. The first song is especially meaningful to me.

I am not a political following person; I don’t watch the news nor tv. But today I read a recent writing of a speech of Zulinsky the president of the Ukraine. I am proud of him and his words of hope for the Ukranian people as they fend off their attackers. That is all I will say about that as I continue to pray for peace in the world.

In regards to my personal life of which I share a lot on here that is cryptic and unusual because of who I am, not just my disorder, I am at peace mostly with the arrangement of my life. It is different than most and I am not ashamed of who I am anymore. I am a strong woman with lots of people in my life who admire me and love me and for this I am very blessed indeed.

I take the hard way often because when I see an underdog losing, I give them help in any way I can. I don’t just sit back and pray for the world and my family. I am a helper in the ways I can be and am very proud of my giving to my children, husband and granddaughter mostly but also my mom and others who are important to me and my survival on this planet in this universe.

Life is quiet lately and I will take the peace as it comes…

I am no longer tormented by my thoughts just a bit uncomfortable at times but not the angst I went through in recent months. Acceptance of who I am is the main reason for this. I accept my feelings now and my fate. I believe my writing is important but not sure why, I don’t ask anymore, just write as I feel led and tonight going to work some on a new project that is yet unknown to me. Everything inspires me lately and get the creative juices flowing once again. My house is clean, the houseplants are watered and I have 2 hours for a new writing project.

My emotions are balanced with love, joy, sadness over the state of the world and understanding of the human condition as it is. While there is much evil in the world, I do not let it enter my life; no, I seek protection at many levels and feel like I have the right formula at last.

It is not that things are going my way all the time. I have many medical problems but I don’t worry just go see doctors and specialists and feel thankful when I have energy to do much like today. Yesterday was a different day but mentally good so any minor annoyance or new expensive procedure coming up in April is just that, something to deal with one step, one antibiotic, one phone call or ten. Not worrying about things is freeing. I trust the rhythm of the Universe these days. And I have found that the more I give the more I receive so I keep on giving and will not stop until I die.

Wishing you all well and thank you for reading through my past blogs when life was not this quiet for my life has been a lot of drama these past years as my faithful followers have read as I can share my life with the world. The many lessons that I have learned having this disorder have been many and I don’t let it define me when it acts up; nor do I ignore it when it is at bay like right now; I respect it just like my many addictions. I don’t stop my meds for I know they help me and therapy is good too now that I have a therapist I trust. Hope you all have that too, good professionals in your life who care and guide you into the right cocktail of meds as more is revealed about your disorder. For no two cases of schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder are ever alike.

Feel free to write me anytime at victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com with comments, questions, or topics to write about on here. I answer every email but now have learned to check my trash mail as sometimes it gets sent there I have discovered sadly. Please feel free to use the search feature below to peruse my past blogging dating back to 2013, the year I began this blog.

Here’s that concert as promised of Brandi Carlile! Enjoy:)

peace

V

Disorder at bay…

My mind and spirit are stronger than ever before but physically that is another story for another day…

I met with my therapist today and it was perfect. It was better than good to meet with this psychologist again after a two week break due to his injury. I shared my deepest darkest secret today and it was safe with him. So I am relieved today that he was able to hold my space in non judgment. Quite the drama really but at peace ☮️ to share it.

I’m back on my old regimen of meds and doing very well. I’m there for my 4 children and husband and my newest love my granddaughter. She adores me! 5 months old now and 6 months since my dad passed away but is still a huge part of my life…

My next appointment of therapy I am going to read my eulogy I gave at my dads funeral. I am still grieving his physical presence but I can feel him with me In spirit. Every time an airplane flies overhead; every time I eat an ice cube, I think of him which is often because I live under the airport path and I eat ice all day. And his song to me that I rarely hear anymore by Izzy had me in tears 😭 this morning. He is the best dad ever I always told him the last 30 years of his life.

He warned me when we got close again after some time apart during my teenage years that he would die soon and I would get mad at him for saying that because he knew till the end how much I love him. He lived another 30 years.

I guess tonight’s blog is about how we never know when we will be called home so hug or call your mom and dad if they are still alive. Don’t wait till they are gone to miss them…

My husband’s cousin dropped dead Saturday at the age of 41 with a wife and two small children. So death is on my mind as I process this. I feel I have only lived half my life so far and I’m 52 and a half.

I do have good news though! I was published on that new platform writing about my time in New York. Felt good to write it and be accepted. It is an online magazine called Edge of Humanity. Isn’t that an incredible name? I will write more for them but the sadness of the war and my physical health is preventing me currently.

I have time though and while I recuperate I think of my many blessings of family and friends I have known, the material blessings I have gotten used to although I lead a very minimalist life. I have no needs except my ice coffee and cream and one last vice, not drugs anymore, but helps me to cope with my days. Quiet day today…

Maui in April I have to look forward to. Wishing you all aloha❤️

Much to ponder tonight about the war in the Ukraine…

How can we enjoy our privileged lives here in the USA when there is so much suffering going on in the Ukraine? I had the honor today to give a little bit of money directly to a Ukrainian family. They wished me to write a little bit of what motivated me and they wish to write me a letter back. I am so touched and moved by being able to help someone in the Ukraine.

Very far from where I was at back in NYC in 1989. I was homeless and received many gifts of food and money, but I wasn’t in a *(&^%$%^&*& war. Yes a dear friend died but there are so many dying innocently in the Ukraine. I was going to write the letter tomorrow, but then I thought the terrible but sad truth, they may not have a tomorrow. So I sent it right before blogging.

If anyone on here wants to send a message of love or a donation to help this family and perhaps others in the Ukraine please do send me an email at: victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com 100% of your donation will go directly to this family in need. If you don’t have funds a kind word will do. I don’t think they know that many in the world are praying for them and for an end to the war.

Godspeed

Victoria

More excitement in the air tonight and upcoming first guest blogger very soon…

I did it! I was able to write and submit my first article for the new platform I have learned about through my blog! It’s exhilarating to be writing again and with passion to tell interesting dark stories of a time in my life when I was living with a death wish but someone else died instead of me and brought me back to my senses.

Life is in progress readers. It takes no breaks and often doesn’t make sense to anyone. So how can we live in an ever changing world?

We can start in our own little section and be the best we know how. If our parents were messed up we can learn from teachers who did their best to never let us down. And we can pass on to others a good example the best we can. Mistakes are a part of everyone’s lives; so learn from them and try not to repeat the same ones.

I’ve been actually talking to my neighbors a bit and it feels safe again. After what we all just went through I was isolating from everyone except my family and it was hard. But now I am not getting involved but just being friendly.

There’s the neighbor across the street who walk his German Shepard with a stick who is now friendly with me but from across the street because our dogs don’t get along. And many more I could go on about. People are fascinating I think. But I don’t get too close to anyone for various reasons as I have blogged about before.

It is not to be for me anyway.

And it gives me more time to write ✍️ lol

On to my guest blogger article coming soon right here. I’m having some technical issues with WordPress and my laptop so as soon as I get it worked out I will share a blog about mental health and addiction.

It is titled What came first? By my new friend gracefuladdict. Check out her daily blogs of interesting content in the meantime here on WordPress. In recovery we just can’t have too many friends I think 🤔

I will leave you all tonight with my favorite quote “be the change you wish to see in the world “ I’m trying

Peace

May 2020 Series~

Flashback Tuesday!

Welcome to this series, which I published during the pandemic in 2020.

Here are the topics for the May 2020 series. Feel free to click on the link to go to the page. Enjoy!

As usual I can be reached at my private email: victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com

Peace to all of you

pax

Victoria

I cannot fight providence, God’s perfect plan…

As much as I would like to start working, it is not to be…

It is true I am doing better than ever, but something always prevents me from working.

I made an announcement recently that I was going to start life coaching and was very excited about it. But that same day, unbeknownst to me, my mom had extreme dental pain, that required an emergency visit to her dentist a few days later. The day I was planning to start to work, I was called urgently away to help my mom. This is my life… so I promised God I would not work outside the home and when we got to the dentist, the pain was gone, and x-rays revealed that everything was normal. Coincidence with my prayer?

The old me, the delusional one, would have taken this very seriously as an admonishment from God because every time I try to work something bad happens to me or my loved ones. I cannot fight it. I am not delusional, just in God’s will, I feel.

Yet, a part of me feels really bad for being on disability and receiving aide from the government, which I get a thousand a month, when I feel so well to work again. In the past when I did manage to work, there are all sorts of stories about my attempts to work. I’ll entertain you all for a moment~

There was the time that I worked at Macy’s for one day but set off an alarm when I went out the wrong door. The alarm went off for 20 long heart wrenching minutes. Luckily, the store was closed at the time, but it stressed me out so much that I never went back.

Another time (2012) I was working on a crisis team doing emergency services as a therapist intern. The voices that I thought was God, told me to tell my coworker that I had Schizophrenia, so I did, even though I knew it wasn’t a good idea. And to top it off I even told her that God had told me to tell her! She was very concerned naturally and told my boss who ousted me soon after confronting me with my odd behavior, which even though it was true, was not her place to confront me.

She watched for me to make a mistake and when I did, she threatened to make me work in the field without back up. I reported her actions to the headquarters after going on temporary disability because of the stress she caused. They investigated my claims and called me to let me know that they weren’t going to fire her, so I left pushed out of my job because of my Schizophrenia. Stigma at its finest. I was good at my job.

And lastly I will share the most recent attempt in 2017. I was teaching a sociology 101 course as an adjunct professor at our local community college, which was my favorite job in my life. I was great at that one. All the students loved me and gave me the most beautiful emails to say how much they leaned from me after I quit because of one student who was a thorn in my side from day one. He was older and taking the class for fun and didn’t interact well with me or the other mostly younger students.

He complained to my boss about me early on, which did no damage. When he wrote in one paper about how killing in war was fun, I was alarmed but just watched and tried not to let the stress get to me. Towards the end of the semester, he got into a verbal altercation with another struggling student who asked him a question when I went to use the bathroom. It was a heated fight on both parties, and the other students let me know after class.

I went straight to the police with his paper and several derogatory emails he had sent me. They investigated and said I had done the right thing but didn’t find any weapons at his home or other evidence to charge him. The college banned both students from one class and then allowed them both to return to class.

I knew I could not be in class with him after reporting him to the police. I emailed the head of the college that I was resigning because of him being a possible threat to me. It did no good. I helped the new professor to take over the class, but was very sad. Then to top it off, the week of what would have been finals, I was rushed to the hospital to have my gallbladder out and then the following week had to have another surgery for stones in a duct.

All very painful, but got through it all. Later, my adult daughter pointed out the fact that there was no way I could have even worked at that job because of my health problems.

Do you see, dear reader, if you are still with me, why I am scared to work again as is my husband and daughter?

I’ll wrap this up. I am slowly weaning off my psych meds successfully. I feel that soon I will not need my psychiatrist anymore. So when they redo my disability, I will not have him to check that box that says I am disabled. Without being under a psychiatrist’s care I will not qualify.

By that time I will be receiving a rather large inheritance, of which I plan to give it to my husband and children.

Final thought~ I still have schizophrenia, it is just in remission on my herbal supplements. I am doing great but who knows what might happen if I work and something stressful happens. I got stressed out on Sunday when my mom came to my son’s home for Father’s Day and almost choked to death right in front of me. My daughter in law saved her life with the Heimlich maneuver. Very stressful day. My mom, my children and husband need me right now. So I will not be working even though we really could use the money.

Thanks for reading thus far. Tis’ my life to not have a paying job, but to write, blog and keep up my home and gardens and help others.

I feel like I just went to confession haha. Any comments are always welcome:)

Pax

Victoria

Enjoying first social event without delusions… & a Love story~

I don’t want this story to be about me though, so I will just say it was nice to be at a wedding today with people I didn’t know yet feeling more comfortable than I have ever felt in my life socializing. No weird thoughts that the day was about me. That’s it about me Haha. Now to the beautiful story…

This couple’s wedding was a work friend of my husband’s and was in Spanish. My Spanish is pretty good but my husband did translate the toast for me because it really was a lovely story. This couple has been together for 26 years, have kids and I have no idea why now they decided to get married now, but after hearing the story of how they met understand why they went all out with the decorations and mariachis. I can’t post all the pics I took for the privacy of the people but just had to share a bit of their amazing wedding.

They first met crossing the border with coyotes and all. This is a very dangerous exploiting situation already. But somehow this is how they met and they had no money, no food, no water, nothing but an apple he gave her to win her heart. It worked. They both passed safely to America and began a very humble beginning, which led to him becoming the owner of a very profitable carpet store and not really sure if she worked or stayed home with the kids but she doesn’t work now.

I wish I knew more of the details of their long term relationship but that is all I know except for this~after the vows and toast he presented her with an apple. I have tears now thinking about it. How much love he showed for her the whole wedding, as if he was winning her heart all over again…

Here’s some more pics below. It’s nice to feel “normal” whatever that is. I read today that this world has 7 billion normal’s. I love that. Inclusion to the very core of our planet!

This was the photo booth where the newlyweds took pictures with the guests…

A Popular fruit bar…
A simple yet elegant cake…

It was a perfect wedding and I am glad I got to witness this happy couple’s love and devotion.

My husband and I had a lovely time, too. It was like being on a 5 hour date with everything paid for, just him and I at the table.

Happy Father’s day to my dad in heaven and all the dads, all the men who want to be dads, the priests and happy birthday to my nana, my sweet daughter who arrived on Father’s day as a present to her dad 28 years ago today.

Pax

Victoria

Guest Blogger: Mind, Body & Spirit Connection~ How to prevent Anxiety Attacks through Wellness…

Welcome to our Saturday series old and new followers! I actually am going to a wedding today:) so it was nice to have a guest article writer today. Here is a little about her and article below.

Have a great weekend!

Pax

Victoria

Sophie Letts has been practicing meditation for five years. Her practice has helped her in many ways, including improving her ability to focus and reducing feelings of anxiety. She created meditationhelp.net to help others get started with meditation, dispel meditation myths, and provide the resources others need to connect with their bodies, calm their minds, and embrace their true selves.

“

How To Reduce Stress and Prevent Anxiety Attacks Through Wellness

Anxiety and stress are two of the most common mental health conditions in the United States. One in three adults in the Greater Cincinnati region reported worsening mental health in 2021. Left untreated, anxiety and stress can lead to several other health problems, including depression, obesity, heart disease, and diabetes. But there are many things you can do to reduce stress and prevent anxiety attacks. Below, you’ll find some tips on optimizing your wellness routine to minimize stress and avoid anxiety attacks.

Start a Fitness Routine

Exercise is one of the most effective ways to reduce stress and prevent anxiety attacks. It releases endorphins, which have mood-boosting effects. Exercise also helps to improve sleep quality, which can further reduce stress levels.

A fitness routine doesn’t have to be time-consuming or expensive. Even moderate exercise, such as walking for 30 minutes a day, can significantly impact stress levels. If you’re new to physical activity, start exploring the many parks and recreational areas across Cincinnati, such as Eden Park or Smale Riverfront Park.

Lean on Family and Friends

Having a solid support system is crucial for reducing stress and preventing anxiety attacks. Family and friends can provide emotional support and practical help in tough times.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, reach out to your loved ones, and let them know what’s happening. A supportive friend to lend an ear or a family member to help with childcare can be a lifesaver.

Build Stress Relief Into Your Day

Making time for activities that reduce stress is essential for preventing anxiety attacks. Taking breaks throughout the day, spending time outdoors, and practicing meditation or deep breathing exercises can help lower stress levels.

It’s also essential to avoid smoking, excessive alcohol consumption, and caffeine. These substances can all contribute to anxiety and make it more challenging to cope with stress.

Find a Hobby

Pursuing a hobby can also help to reduce stress and prevent anxiety attacks. Doing something you enjoy can boost your mood and provide a much-needed outlet for tension and anxiety. Cincinnati offers a large selection of activities with something for everyone. Take some time to explore your options, and find an activity that brings you joy.

You can also join a group or club related to your hobby to meet new people and make friends. Doing something with others can help to reduce stress and promote a sense of belonging.

Optimize Your Home Office

It’s necessary to create a zone of calmness if you’re working from home. A cluttered or poorly lit workspace can contribute to feelings of anxiety and stress. Use technology to reduce desk clutter and increase efficiency, and improve organization with a storage system for digital and paper records.

You should also have ergonomic furniture to protect your back, neck, and shoulders. Long hours at a desk are a leading cause of work-related injuries. Take the time to set up your home office to promote comfort and wellness.

Boost Mental Wellness With Healthy Living

Living well is the best way to encourage mental wellness and reduce stress. These activities can help to improve mood, increase energy levels, and promote better sleep.For help with your personal mental health journey, follow My Personal Recovery From Schizophrenia for stories of encouragement.

Something in the air tonight…

It’s been a lovely day, warm weather and abundant sunshine ☀️. A day to reflect and decided to embark on new endeavors with my professional life.

I am going off of disability and going to start offering services right here through my blog for 3 months and if It is successful will continue. If I don’t earn money at what I offer which will be coming soon 🔜 I will get a job hopefully remote of writing for an income.

This is huge for me. Please excuse the ads that I have also signed up for monetizing my site. Thanks for all your support and for being faithful followers. I know that without my blog and all of you I wouldn’t feel able to do this no risk endeavor.

I’m actually pretty excited to share my knowledge and experience in a new dimension, in a way that will help me, not just financially but also help others into a better way of living.

I am not posting this to my front page as I want to give my followers the first chance at these new services which include life coaching to help find meaning in life no matter what the situation or diagnosis.

My studies and life experience have brought me thus far and sharing with others to find meaning and purpose gives me meaning and purpose!

I also hold a Masters in psychology but my real success is in my studies around Logotherapy and the mind, body and spirit connection.

So feel free to use the contact form to sign up and spread the word if possible. This is my unofficial announcement and I don’t know the response obviously but am pleased to branch out and who knows?

Pax

Victoria