Stress brought on new relapse, going to start Clozapine Monday!

Hello to all!

Stress, as I have written about before, is my biggest enemy with this disorder.  This time it was helping a family member that caused me to relapse into a world of my own.  Oh I look fine on the outside except I am dressed very warm because I am need the warmth right now.

So I went to see my psychiatrist last week and I asked if we could try Clozapine.  He said, “oh the big gun”.  I never knew it was called that.  I wonder why he didn’t try it before after all here I am and I can’t even hold down a job.  But after all the rigmarole I understand now why he did not prescribe it sooner.

First you have to do bloodwork every week for a period and then biweekly and then I believe monthly.  They have to monitor my white blood count to make sure it doesn’t go too low.  So I did that the next day.  Then I go to the pharmacy and they didn’t have it in stock so they sent it to another pharmacy I have never dealt with and they shall be nameless but their service is less to be desired than my regular pharmacy Walmart.

So I am working with my pharmacy and they say I have to be in some registry for this special drug… I had to wait for my busy doctor to enroll me and by the time he did it was too late to get my medicine on Friday and they won’t update the registry until Monday so Monday it is.

I am staying close to home, trying to use my coping skills right now because I feel so unwell.  I have had to disclose my disorder to a few people since I had to stop helping this family member who needs a lot of help and attention.  I had to step back due to her negativity.

I am surrounding myself with positive people and vaping my cbd oil which has helped in the past and helped me to get these thoughts out on here in my safe blog.  I am listening to my fave music, Jason Mraz, who is so amazing.

My son and daughter have also been here with me every step, believing in me and supporting me.  My husband doesn’t get it but is being as understanding as he can be.

I haven’t visited my dad since Monday but may go tomorrow if I feel up to it.  I’m taking it easy right now, being very gentle with myself and trying to stay positive.  I have heard great things about this medicine so I have hope that next week may bring some needed relief.



Times are tough… yet thank you to all!

First had to quit my job, too stressful at a busy store.  Also, my mom needs my help right now after her knee surgery.  But I like to work so I am not going to give up on getting a lower stress part time job:)

Been getting a lot of emails lately though which really helps me to get out of my own life and work at expanding knowledge of this dastard disorder!  I am going to be doing an interview with Health360 along with Josh Rivedal whose book I wrote a chapter in, along with 49 other mentally afflicted individuals.  The book IM’possible Project  comes out in November so that is perfect timing for an interview.  I like doing them, voice only though, no camera for me.

I also connected with a lovely lady whose story I have known about for years but we finally connected today and it was great to talk to someone else who has gone through recovery from this disorder…  Very refreshing and the beginning of what I think will be a great friendship.  If you want to know her story check it out at:

And here is a link to her nonprofit, the CURESZ Foundation:

The great part about keeping a blog for so many years is that it comes in waves working with others either with others afflicted, or researchers and students, and can’t forget about the loved ones who suffer as much as us if not more because most of them are mothers but also include sisters too.  I am feeling nostalgic.  There have been some great memories with this blog.  I don’t regret one post and appreciate every like and comment:)  I answer all my emails and though we may part ways down the road I hope we are both richer for the connection…