Living in the moment I am…

Being mentally unwell means many things to me…

It is a game I play when I am not at my best. I make lists of the most simple tasks and some not so simple. I tackle them in the order I set them up and play through the day with times of relaxation when I’m not panicking. Yesterday was a panic day; today was getting stuff done despite how I felt.

I don’t always push through but I happen to be puppy sitting a huge 9 month old yellow lab, my son’s dog, for two weeks, who is unruly but very sweet. I am trying to train her but we shall see. Anyway, it is that I have to have the house managed right now; I have to be there for my parents right now; I have to take care of my needs; I have to be strong for my youngest and all my children even though they are all adults.

I choose this today. Tomorrow I might not. Just being honest as usual.

It also means that I have to really plan my meals so I don’t eat junk all day or nothing preferrably. I don’t have much of an appetite lately due to my situational depression and anxiety. But then again I think I am killing myself with my vices. Coffee and nicotine are ever by my side throughout the day. Never when I blog though…and always my reward. afterwards.

When I blog, I get into a groove. I like to do it in one sitting but alas distractions are ever before me.

Being ok is elusive for me at times, it hides itself from me. I try to fix it myself but this new therapist I need to help me with integrating. I tried it on my own and have found supression of my many identiies to be too stressful. Monday can’t come soon enough for the assessment and her reccomendations for what to do next. I am remaininig probably in supression mode for now because it is safest.

I do remember the kind words of my favorite musician Jason Mraz to the effect~ when you don’t know something just be where your feet are

and for me that is living in the moment…

Thanks for reading my ramblings tonight.

As ever

peace love light and joy to all of you

Victoria

This entry was posted in Hope.

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