I die without it 1/19

Early morning musings on this post.
I did not have covid, I had a psychotic break:( it started when my daughter who is twenty-seven now who has been my main support since she was twelve years old up until November last year, left our home to travel to Mexico for 4 days. Literally, the minute she left I developed symptoms of a physical illness but upon her return to the Us last night, my symptoms disappeared like magic.
I of course wonder what this means in regards to many things in my life. Much to ponder.
My oldest son, dear daughter in law and my granddaughter needed help during this psychotic break and I couldn’t be there for them no matter how hard I tried and I love them all very much. Of course we wanted to rule out covid. But my test results got lost and had to retest today with the nonrapid test which came back negative.
My daughter in law injured her back and couldn’t even lift my granddaughter. And I couldn’t go help. My son was tired. Luckily my daughter in law’s mother was able to take off of work and help them greatly. God bless her!
My daughter in law asked me recently to baby sit my granddaughter when she is seven months old and I said yes but now and then I am doubting if this is a good idea with thee recent events of my very strange life.
My daughter is my first love and we share a special bond, always have. With her being gone I became psychotic. This blog by graceful addict confirms my worst fears, that without the tangible love of my recently passed dad and the never ending love of my daughter, I will cease to exist, for no explained reason except that these two people, my late father and my dear nana, have loved me so deeply that it is sure I would die without them. Not at my own hands, not suicidal thank God, but it is so.
Thank you graceful addict for listening to your gut and inspirations from above, around and within your heart and soul.
peace, love, light and joy to all:) Victoria aka Michelle a sober and clean grateful addict who loves God above all but who still needs the love of her nana as was displayed these past 4 strange days.
I am ok now that she is back in Ca but know I need to have a heart to heart soon with my daughter in law about watching my granddaughter… please say a prayer for this conversation to be well received and soon as she needs to let her work know when the baby will be expected at the daycare where she works.
pax V

The daily addict

I was listening to a lecture given by David Hawkins today. And although I like to think I “know” the power and importance of love in my life…this lecture just engrained it a bit more into my brain.

This is some information I quoted from his lecture that allowed me to understand a little more:

“In World War 2 the children, the infants were taken out of London at the time of the blitz. They were taken out into domiciles out into the safe country and they died by the thousands. They stopped eating, they became apathetic, they became depressed, they stopped responding and they died. So physicality then, is not enough. It baffles science because nutritionally they had everything – vitamins, balanced diets, germ free environments etcetera. And they died right and left. And then they brought in some nannies. ‘What’s the matter with these infants?’ And the nannies…

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One comment on “I die without it 1/19

  1. Awe you poor thing….I feel your struggle and your desperation and your good natured soul. Please be easy on yourself if possible.
    The good news is this…..love is not just in one particular person..it is EVERYWHERE it is what YOU ARE. It is the force that makes this universe work as it does. When I get to specific and think I need the love of just “that one” or “this one” then I set myself up for sheer disaster. And that is because GOD wants us to see that is not how this world is and its love operates. This earth is FULL of love to give and receive.
    I understand having stronger connections with some more than others…however there is a way to come and appreciate the connections with ALL that you encounter.
    Every encounter and every person you meet is a soulful experience. It may not feel that way but it is true. All you can do today is take a breath and be proud of your honesty and kindness. Help is always there it is in your own beautiful heart.

    Liked by 1 person

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