There is no shame in having Schizophrenia…

My judgement has been off lately in many of my affairs…

What people don’t realize because I am making sense (lucid) even when psychotic unless I am crawled up in a ball and avoiding the world, is that much of the time I suffer greatly with this dastard disorder…

I hurt people, confuse them at times and act downright like a stalker at other times when the obsessions hit…

Which lately has been often.

I wish things could be different but what I wish to express tonight that there is no shame in having this disorder, it may cause us to be different but it also makes us vulnerable to everything other people say to us or about us.

It does not make us violent in most cases of people who have this disorder…

There is no shame in having this disorder and the people who lead us on, or act in hurtful judgmental ways well the shame is on them not us.

We are often misunderstood when we are not at our best.

We are brave to keep going and face what new drama arises in our minds each new day with our only hope in God/the Universe or whatever one believes or doesn’t believe in.

We will all know the truth when we die and tonight even though I have been through the ringer once again, losing yet another friendship, I am not even passively suicidal. Just a little bit mad at the universe for the way this friendship had to come to an end affecting not only me with the disorder, but a kind gentleman and another person who I have been helping with the steps of a 12 step program. I had to prioritize my mental health and let go of our sponsor/sponsee relationship. I am not fit to be a sponsor I have decided because of my mental state and lack of good judgment at times at how much to share and how much to hold back.

May science one day provide more help for those like me who suffer so greatly.

Shameless still though and still looking up but with trepidation.

Michelle

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