Disorder at bay…

My mind and spirit are stronger than ever before but physically that is another story for another day…

I met with my therapist today and it was perfect. It was better than good to meet with this psychologist again after a two week break due to his injury. I shared my deepest darkest secret today and it was safe with him. So I am relieved today that he was able to hold my space in non judgment. Quite the drama really but at peace ☮️ to share it.

I’m back on my old regimen of meds and doing very well. I’m there for my 4 children and husband and my newest love my granddaughter. She adores me! 5 months old now and 6 months since my dad passed away but is still a huge part of my life…

My next appointment of therapy I am going to read my eulogy I gave at my dads funeral. I am still grieving his physical presence but I can feel him with me In spirit. Every time an airplane flies overhead; every time I eat an ice cube, I think of him which is often because I live under the airport path and I eat ice all day. And his song to me that I rarely hear anymore by Izzy had me in tears 😭 this morning. He is the best dad ever I always told him the last 30 years of his life.

He warned me when we got close again after some time apart during my teenage years that he would die soon and I would get mad at him for saying that because he knew till the end how much I love him. He lived another 30 years.

I guess tonight’s blog is about how we never know when we will be called home so hug or call your mom and dad if they are still alive. Don’t wait till they are gone to miss them…

My husband’s cousin dropped dead Saturday at the age of 41 with a wife and two small children. So death is on my mind as I process this. I feel I have only lived half my life so far and I’m 52 and a half.

I do have good news though! I was published on that new platform writing about my time in New York. Felt good to write it and be accepted. It is an online magazine called Edge of Humanity. Isn’t that an incredible name? I will write more for them but the sadness of the war and my physical health is preventing me currently.

I have time though and while I recuperate I think of my many blessings of family and friends I have known, the material blessings I have gotten used to although I lead a very minimalist life. I have no needs except my ice coffee and cream and one last vice, not drugs anymore, but helps me to cope with my days. Quiet day today…

Maui in April I have to look forward to. Wishing you all aloha❤️

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