What if I am psychotic right now?

Do you ever wish you could remember everything good in your life and forget all the seemingly bad?

I do all the time.

Being on Quora, the question and answer site that I am currently obsessed with and have spent hours losing track of time, makes me remember much of my brain (mental) health issues. This can make me happy, sad (over poor choices), agitated (especially when describing hallucinations, delusions and other psychotic symptoms) and fearful that I will be psychotic once again.

Like it’s crazy how much of this blog was written when I was psychotic and didn’t even know it. In fact, what if I am psychotic right now? I don’t think I am but this brain fog that comes with Covid is very challenging for my brain to grasp. I think it is a good sign though to be questioning my state of mind, at least that’s what I read recently on Quora haha!

But seriously when one is psychotic, we don’t know it, because our reality isn’t real. I suppose the scary part for me is that I sounded perfectly lucid when in fact I was suffering from delusions of grandeur for the past 16 years pretty much the whole time. I guess that will be the test for me, do I think things that are so grand, that I might think that I need to check in with a good friend or family member.

Keeping secrets does no good in this regard.

Anyway, just checking in tonight and wishing you all well!

I’m on day 5 with covid and ready to reenter the world.

And can’t wait to share the story soon of when I was met with a neuro team for a possible stroke the other night. In fact it was right after bogging something on one of my brief appearances! But for now I must rest and relax and try to forget the hard times for the moment although I know personally all my hard times have made me who I am and I think I am pretty strong these days:)

pax

Victoria

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