Down my little street…much to ponder

This is a different type of post today for with new beginnings there is much to consider in my life with choices before me that have never existed until now. I happen to live at the end of a cul de sac so hence the title and it is where I spend most of my time with occasional excursions as my mood hits and errands necesitate.

I believe in manifestation according to desire. I desire balance between body, mind and spirit…

My Schizophrenia/Schizoaffective Disorder is well managed right now but I’m holding out for more than I have now. I am looking and researching some new supplements to help with the negative symptoms I still suffer from- which are mainly lack of energy/motivation and a less than optimistic outlook about my life and that of others from my loved ones to my readers on here to the stranger on the street.

I want to be the best version of me possible and I now set out to the Universe to God to the Divine all my wishes to have not just a mundane existence, but one of much progress of which I know I am already doing…

It is possible and it is not talked about enough. We just settle for the side effects of medicine for our disorder and I refuse to accept it any longer! Will be sharing my new supplement regimen after a month. I have been able to find the right medication cocktail to help me be in remission from Schizophrenia and now I look to Mother Earth for wise answers to overcome all that is still lacking in my center. If anyone else has any tips please do share!

Secondly, welcome to any new readers and followers:) I have opened up some new outlets to gain a wider readership and appreciate every like, comment and follow. I try not to let interactions to guide my blogging because if I did I would have given up by now.

Blogging helps me to get my thoughts out to the Universe in a sometimes radical, sometimes mundane and sometimes a resonating way. I often read through my old blog posts which date back to 2013 and have hopes to add more categories with organization to help others find some of my posts that I feel are helpful to me and all of you. So watch for changes as I find the time to do so…

And third, currently among my many projects that keep me happy, busy and entertained, I hope to manifest guidance from above. For wherever we put our energy there it will grow and while I don’t watch tv at all or am on any social media I spend much of my day listening to music, which I love but want to also balance that with my activities. My current obsession is Taylor Swift! Ha ha, and I’m 52 years young. Her music is great for studying, reading and writing. A very talented artist to say the least!

I like to read blogs and quotes, listen to podcasts and sometimes just sit while I eat. But often I get so engrossed that I wonder where does the time go? I also like to stay up late and read and interesting suggestion on a recent blog to get proper rest by staying in bed for 8 hours even if not asleep. I have been doing this the last few days and I do take an occasional nap or at least lie down and watch the trees blow in the wind from my master bedroom. It is good to sometimes do nothing but to rest our bodies and while the results aren’t in yet will be taking note of the days I do so and check energy levels.

So those are my three areas I am focusing on for improvement. Supplements, A Welcome and where to spend my energy. It is now midday and I’m not sure what I will be doing with the rest of my day. Many of my loved ones are sick right now, so probably focus on taking care of them along with cleaning and if the wind dies down gardening, which has been lacking this year. My houseplants are all doing great though, which is my way to spend some time in nature indoors.

I will also be working on my Nature Thought Journal which I hope to publish once it is done. I am looking for a few of my readers to review it so if you have the time, send me your email and I will share it with you hoping for feedback. I can be reached at victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com . I have myself not found a journal that is satisfactory for my purposes so am constructing one that I’m really proud of so far. Feel free to comment what you like about a good journal. Have a spectacular day and thanks for reading if you made it to the end.

Peace

Victoria

Blood moon Solar Eclipse meaning to me…

First off before the deep stuff~ Pepperoni Pizza ha ha, my son is even picking it up.

And then to observe nature in the dusk hours in its finest display in the sky

Cloudiness may interfere with its observance

But that’s ok because just as I know that ___ is there always as a fish has water all around it yet fails to know of water, the eclipse means new beginnings to me, not a new start, no rather an opening to greater things…of the body(somatic), mind(psyche) and spirit(logos)…

Body- stretching and flexing my muscles as I have been but now with increased weights

Not walking much, but perhaps swimming, this is due to an injury which I feel is no coincidence

Mind- stretching my mind to new levels

of most importance is writing the biography/memoir of a dear family member’s late husband

next it is dare I say it, learning SEO, Search Engine Optimization, to expand my readership

as I embark upon new ideas stirring within to blog and write about in depth as if my life depended on it

And philosophy- I have finally found a podcast called Philosiphize This you can find here. I became a patreon and will be emailing the podcaster, stephen west, to introduce myself and share some of my writing pertaining to his podcast and my own conclusions of which I don’t always agree with, but first going to listen to more podcast for perhaps the answer is not yet revealed?? Fun though to spar, not trying to win but to actually be able to communicate with a philosopher I don’t find boring at all!

Spirit- embracing what resonates with me

and leaving all the rest aside

choosing my own moral principles which align with that of what I have found beneficial from many religions

but releasing the baggage that has been a part of my spirit, which I will write tonight in my journal and burn tonight, and setting my intention for this new start…

And embracing my twin flame in spirit

AND LOTS OF YOGA!!!

PRAYER TO GOD ALMIGHTY!!!

AND MUCH THINKING ABOUT IMPORTANT THINGS…

Feeling within me…

I’ve been at a loss this week in many ways. Too many to write here. There’s been a lot of good too but today is hard.

My daughter is sick, I’m her caregiver when she gets sick 🤒 even though she is 28. and others in my life are not doing great right now so like usual I’m allowing other’s stress to affect me which I’m fighting with all that I am.

I just want to escape from it all. But am choosing instead to blog about it.

And then clean up the kitchen because I made an awesome dinner tonight which nobody except me ate.

I’m the one in recovery from schizophrenia but all those around me are falling apart. I’m not sure how to pick myself back up. I need a new day and am going to use my coping skills to manage my schizophrenia.

Cleaning and healthy smoothie are old favorites which worked tonight 😊

My schizophrenia has been under control thanks to God and my hard work that I put into every day.

So looking on the bright side of things as my dad taught me today was a very productive day despite all the lack of control I have over the people in my life…

I walked 3 miles, cleaned my house, took care of my daughter and pups 🐶. And took care of me! I also didn’t buy anything when I went to my favorite store to pick up an order. Progress!

I was thinking of trying to work again but know that the reason why I am doing so well right now is because I don’t work outside the home. But it’s hard to accept some days when I have so much to offer. That’s why I’m not going to pursue my doctorate. What is the point if I can’t work.

I will continue to write and blog because that helps me greatly. I forgot to mention that I also couldn’t use my laptop today the way I’m used to. It’s being funky and won’t go online. Which meant I couldn’t work on my Nature Thought Journal I started in Maui a few weeks ago. It’s coming along nicely so another frustration in my day.

I won’t give up is my mantra in all that I do.

I won’t give up on finding meaning in my life despite my diagnosis. It’s hard to believe that I earned my Masters degree in psychology post diagnosis! But I find meaning in helping others so feel free to drop me an email at Victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com

I answer all emails and have met some great friends on here. Also feel free to ask me any questions you may have about my experience with schizophrenia and check out my May series 2020 and 2022 above this blog. Tomorrow will be working more on May series 2022 and the mind, body spirit connection in psychiatry and psychotherapy.

I Truly feel a more holistic approach is needed to treat this disorder for people to recover.

Pax

Victoria

Fought with God and lost but I’m the lucky one…

God has spoken, not a voice but another situation has led me to believe that I cannot think about working or pursuing my doctorate. I accept.

My time will be devoted to writing for free to give others and myself hope and meaning in this sometimes hard life…

That is all for tonight.

God is good and I truly feel I am not psychotic but the lucky one!

I accept my limitations and embrace my future…

Because I am strong, brave, willing and as honest as one can be given any situation.

good night

peace, love, light and joy

Victoria

Embarking on the path to doctorate in Philosophy…

Yesterday, the stars aligned for me. I finally found a University that has everything I want in my next step in life. CIIS came to my attention and found the perfect degree that interests and excites me. I didn’t know it even existed. That’s how life can be…

One minute you can think this is all I am going to get out of life, and the next new doors are opened with a glimpse of what I never thought possible~ to get my doctorate in Philosophy, Cosmology and Consciousness at CIIS.

My best friend recently got her doctorate there in Transpersonal Psychology. I wasn’t even looking for a school, nor even dreamed it possible. Then yesterday at our brunch to celebrate life, I shared with her how I almost got scammed with a worthless doctorate from a stuffy school. She proffered why I didn’t consider her University. She mentioned a doctorate in Anthropology and I was immediately interested. But after we parted ways after a lovely time together, which is not often because best friends don’t need to spend every minute together I have learned, I actually found my niche degree.

On further research, I learned a degree in Anthropology would be about politics, which is not my interest. I wish to write about things that matter to me and to the world in a way I can make an impact, a profound contribution to mankind. So I looked at the 25 degrees they offered and found my match. Allow me to break it down in a minute. After I found my degree which makes perfect sense to me I signed up for a introduction session on May 17th. They sent me a link to a video which speaks on my degree and I was so excited that I decided to sign up for entry Spring 2023! I am now emitting to the Universe the means to either get a full scholarship or the money to pay for it outright. I feel if it is meant to be it will all come together.

Breaking down my degree:

Doctorate in Philosophy, Cosmology and Consciousness~

Philosophy- the study of the fundamental nature of knowledge, reality, and existence.

Cosmology- field of study that brings together the natural sciences, particularly astronomy and physics, in a joint effort to understand the physical universe as a unified whole.

And last but not least-

Consciousness- the quality or state of being aware especially of something within oneself.

This all fits nicely with what my May series is about this year. And how man is unity despite multiplicity, one human being with 3 aspects, mind, body and spirit. I don’t have words to describe how I see my future in studying these 3 areas of my doctorate. It’s like too perfect to be true.

Even if I don’t get a job, for that is not my ultimate goal in getting this degree but my brain craves learning about all 3 parts of this degree. I will continue to blog and write but pardon me for my focus is now learning more about how I can apply this new knowledge in a way that gives meaning to my life and that of others. I am beyond ecstatic about the possibilities this all means. It will be a transformative experience that only God and me knows where it will go and I don’t know for sure, because I can’t grasp it yet but more will be revealed.

Now that my Schizoaffective disorder is in remission, I can get on with my life and although I may never work for money, I can achieve my dreams of writing about all things that matter and this degree is the catalyst into a future with meaning.

Thanks if you read this far in my blog. Only one person in my life will understand better what I am writing about, my youngest son, who is actually taking me to Mother’s Day lunch tomorrow. I know he will get it because he is my philosopher and it is my hopes that we will work together one day. But if nothing else he will be the one I can bounce ideas off of and who will understand much of what I have already been studying excitedly about.

Today was a perfect day though in many ways, went on a hike by the beach with my dear daughter and spent the afternoon and evening with my mom, my oldest son and daughter in law, my granddaughter, my sister, daughter with her soon to be fiance, and my husband. It was a wonderful evening full of fun, food and good memories.

Happy Mother’s day to all my readers, even if you aren’t a mom in the sense of what we know of the word, all women should be celebrated today for I know many women who don’t have kids but yet their spirit is immeasurable in how they speak to others in care and concern and that is being motherly.

I have been blessed with 4 children and one granddaughter and I celebrate with all women, for while I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams, I am also fine when I am not with them especially getting lost in my studies and personal transformation. I will never give up being the best version of myself for me first, then my family and then the world. Hope I hold dear and hope I wish to spread to all, to one, to many. Blessed be…

pax

V

May 2022 Series part 2, Shifting our Focus…

“When we shift our focus from ourselves to the world around us, we often find contentment, fulfillment and purpose” Viktor Frankl

Frankl’s works have given me new reason to not only live but to thrive after the passing of my dad last September 11, 2021. There has been the desire to die and go be with him; he was and is in a new way my biggest supporter in my life. My dad instilled in me not only values but much philosophy about how to treat others from family and friends to strangers. He did not write his philosophies down, but led by example which I will ever cherish the many memories of seeing my dad in action with whomever he was with.

I have decided to take on new writing projects because of the inspiration I have learned from my dad and the many books written by Viktor Frankl. Of course most people have heard of Man’s Search for Meaning and many have read it and found it profound. But I have also found much benefit to reading some of his other books.

The Will to Meaning: Foundations and Applications of Logotherapy by Viktor Frankl is my new current read. It discusses much on the topic of body (somatic), mind (psyche) and spirit (logos) being interconnected. I am still trying to grasp its deep meaning so will share more as I am able.

It is my hope to spread his views on the principles of Logotherapy (healing through meaning). He gave hope to many people, from when he was a prisoner in concentration camps, to his practice where he could be found at odd hours helping people he didn’t even know find meaning in their lives, to his family, friends and associates.

Frankl often writes about other peoples’ observations in the field of psychology and philosophy in his books. I intend to focus solely on his pearls of wisdom from these books because while I don’t agree with every word in the books, there is plenty to begin to understand Logotherapy and what he writes about in terms of healing through meaning. His most famous book, Man’s Search For Meaning sets the foundation with these pillars.

The 3 pillars of Logotherapy are:

  1. The Freedom of Will
  2. The will to meaning and
  3. The meaning of life

So it is inferred that Logotherapy teaches that through an individual finding meaning in their life through exercising free will, and by finding meaning in one’s life, one will choose hope over despair and ultimately, life over death. He used this model in the concentration camps where many prisoners, starting with himself, lost hope until he found meaning in his life, as did many other of the prisoners thanks to Logotherapy he developed while still a prisoner.

This has also happened to me in my experience of having Schizophrenia/Schizoaffective disorder. Through finding meaning in my life through my writing and other healthy habits (yoga, walking, gardening and meditation etc…) my life now has purpose and my self study of Frankl’s works has come at the perfect time in my life. More to come in this May 2022 series.

Peace

V

May Series 2022: Mind, Body and Spirit Connection

In psychiatry, the mind is the focus of treatment 99% of the time. This does us a huge disfavor in terms of our wholeness of self.

In my own experience of having Schizophrenia/Schizoaffective Disorder since 2008, I have only had my psychiatrist ask me once about how I was managing in spiritual matters and the question was posed as a curiosity, rather than as a treatment of my spiritual condition. It was never followed up and it was not a deep inquiry.

The body isn’t talked about much either other than the fact that I have gained much weight on anti-psychotics. And this was addressed early on in my treatment and then just accepted by my psychiatrist not me.

I am sure I’m not the only one who is in treatment for a mental health disorder, whether it be depression, anxiety, bipolar, psychotic disorder, or any other and have read the instructions for the many meds we take to manage our mind symptoms and have observed the following disclaimer- the doctor deems it necessary to take this medicine because the condition being treated is more serious and outweighs any side effects (then a long list of possible side effects) or something along those lines.

So we take our meds and observe the mind’s reaction and deal with the side effects, often taking another med to counter any negative reaction. I hate this! While my disorder is well-managed now better than ever, I have learned my own ways to deal with the unwanted side effects and I am still experimenting and open to anybody else’s successes at natural ways to counter them.

I will speak more about this in another part of this May 2022 series for I wish to further explore the neglect of the body, mind, spirit connection. For if one part of the equation is out of whack, how can we truly say we are doing well? It just doesn’t add up. We must be unified in all three aspects I believe to live a more functional life. Balance is what I seek after…

I learned this recently from Well Being Blogger in one of our few life coaching sessions. Her homework was simple and instructive and for me had the biggest impact upon my well-being. She asked me to write and do 5 things for my mind, 5 things for my body and 5 things for my spirit (which does not have to have any religious connotation). She also gave a few examples to help me but I was out of the gate running as I ran through my list quickly categorizing old and new ideas of how to manage these three aspects of myself.

It has been the elixir for my treatment plan and each week as I diligently started to adopt this 5 things practice, I became more connected to who I was and who I am becoming. I am quite pleased with the results thus far and would like to share a few examples of my routine. Some overlap as you shall see but I think you will get it and hopefully develop your own way and feel free to use any of mine. I also suggest taking a look at my May 2020 series published here for ideas and ways to incorporate them in your lives.

My 5 things

Mind- self study through reading and writing, meditation (walking I prefer, which can also count as spiritual as I observe nature), learning new words, practicing my Spanish and studying philosophy.

Body- exercise (for me this involves walking, yoga and just added strength training and swimming), proper nutrition (I’m trying whole foods eating 90% of the time), stretching, getting dressed nice (even though I don’t have a job) and gardening.

Spirit- yoga, ritual prayers, tending to the houseplants, listening to uplifting music of sorts and spending time appreciating nature.

I don’t do them all every day but do some of them every day like eating healthy, walking, reading and writing, and spending time in nature. The rest are on a weekly basis.

What are some of your 5 things you do for your mind, body and spirit?

Pax

Victoria

May 2020 Series~

mypersonalrecoveryfromschizophrenia

Welcome to this series, which may be the first of many. I am doing extremely well during this pandemic; been working on my mental, physical and spiritual health to a great degree. I wanted to share with all of you how my life has changed during these most difficult times. I look forward to each day and although I am mainly very focused, I still have my moments of difficulty but am symptom free.

Prior to this pandemic, I would just sit for hours all day long and maybe get the dishes done. But now, sitting isn’t what I want to do anymore. Ironically, writing about all these topics of what has benefited me, has been beneficial.

Here are the topics for the May series. Feel free to click on the link to go to the page. Any comments are welcome!

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How does it feel?

A poem of sorts today after hearing a sad story of addiction at its worst, an od (overdose)

How does it feel to be dead inside of you?

So dead that drugs overcome you

an empty searching for nothing that will truly help

Only bringing pain and loss and pain to those that love you …

Death comes welcomed to those who are dead inside

Hope is elusive

Hope is in an afterlife

Hope is in relief from the pain of living in addiction

Hope is all I have tonight that I will never use drugs again

Hope in God, Hope In me and mankind and all that is good in my life and this world

Hope that I can pursue my dreams and even when I fail, Hope that I will try again and again and again

Peace to all

RIP dear drug addict who might die tonight and all those who have already died of drug addiction

There but for the grace of God go I

V

Happy Mental Health month! Upcoming

Great to be back home after a nice vacation and a relaxing weekend!

My usual series for May is in the works!

I will be exploring the body, mind and spirit connection focusing on the work of Viktor Frankl’s insight on how man is unity yet multiplicity. And how taking it beyond that can affect the world benefiting us and others.

My self study on philosophical ideas is causing me to turn this blog into a little different posts.

Hope will also be an ongoing theme for my writing and all it encompasses. Without Hope we are dead inside. Hope keeps us going and when it is lacking reading and writing and mindful activities provide it.

May you all have much hope today and every day, to live your best lives and embrace your humanity!

Forget any diagnosis for now but keep taking your meds as I do or keep trying to find the best cocktail for you! We are all different yet the same in many ways.

Peace love hope and joy be with you all!

Victoria