Shifted my priorities…feeling happy 😃

Today has been a good day. Haven’t been wasting my time on things that make no sense.

Lots of gardening 👩‍🌾, podcasts on nutrition for brain health, studying supplements and making some good observations, and organizing my blog. I updated my about on the top menu and added a contact page.

Much chaos in my house because my husband is off with many projects and literally every room and the backyard is a mess lol but I’ll work on it later. Right now I’m finishing planting my flowers 💐 in my side garden happy today…

I also started a new gratitude practice which has nothing to do with making lists or journaling! It’s narrative but can be done mentally once one gets the idea.

So in simple words- choose a time in your life when there was a struggle, the outcome and how you felt about it emotionally 🖤. Positive story of your own or from reading about something that moved you positively.

I wrote it out the first time but it’s basically your brain appreciating someone thanking you for something helpful you or another did. Does that all make sense?

I’m basically summarizing an hour long podcast In just a few words. So I’ll provide an example…

A promising female student in Africa got pregnant and feared her sponsors and the school would force her to quit school and basically not use her many scientific gifts.

After much worries she decided to be honest with all and they encouraged her to finish school and she is now raising her daughter and received the reward student of the year.

They also because of her situation, began a new program for girls to learn about reproductive health.

This makes me appreciate everyone for not letting one mistake ruin her life and that much good came out of it. Makes me feel grateful and gives me hope for people to be more forgiving and open to new help for others.

This gratitude practice can take a minute or more and it is good to practice it any time of day , 3 or more days a week. Returning to the same story that made you feel grateful is good but also be open to new narratives.

Today one of my followers made me feel grateful for a poem she wrote that felt like was meant for me after my hard day yesterday. I may never know if it was God blessing me or if she wrote with that intention. But it helped lighten my day!

Off to gardening now!

Peace

Victoria

Venice Beach tonight..

Enjoying being out and about at Santa Monica pier and Venice Beach in California.

Last night was a night to fully grieve for my dad who passed away last September. Many tears, realizations and emptiness inside after some journaling.

Wednesday I read the eulogy I gave at my dads funeral in December to my therapist. It was received well. My therapist understands better now the kind man my father was to me. And that my dad is still a huge part of my life from heaven above.

Every time I see a plane which often happens when I need it, some ethereal moment in my day confirmed by a plane or any time I bite an ice cube 🧊! Orbs in pictures still or videos along with his gentle guidance.

I will ask him a question and wait and often I know exactly what he would want or have a new thought or word come into my head.

The grief is no longer unbearable but still miss him very much. I read my journal from last year and I read my own words that when my father died a part of me would die inside too. It is true even though I have him in a different way now.

Tears 😭

I am very happy tonight though to be on the right cocktail of meds so my disorder remains at bay. And my life coach has given me new homework on how to protect myself from negative energies. Already used one today at the beach where there were so many people.

When I get back home tomorrow will be continuing to work on my new article about the symbolic meaning of the lotus flower 🌸 and how its sacredness and inner wisdom is helping me to heal as a sometimes dark empath.

My past few months of angst are behind me and I find comfort in music from Iceland 🇮🇸. Piano and string instruments along with one woman’s deep enthralling voice of exactly where I am at.

Peaceful tonight and wishing you all peace as well as having schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder is only brought to my mind anymore when I am taking my meds.

I feel I am emerging as a new person with some pain but no longer delusional and emotionally stable which I see continuing as long as I stay on the safe path.

Back to my title, Venice, my husband and I drove the coast down highway 1 aka pch pacific coast highway and he drove so I got to fully appreciate the beauty and powerful waves of the Pacific Ocean. Was perfect!

We got lost but avoided an accident several times along the way. We sat in our car and listened to kroq and punk rock music 🎶 from times of old and just enjoyed the day. He people watched and I stared at the Ferris wheel 🎡 in picture wishing I could go on it or at least the merry go round. I didn’t because there were so many people but pretended which I am good at.

Tomorrow attending a celebration of life for my husband’s cousin who dropped dead at age 41 a few weeks ago. So sad 😞 as he left behind two young daughters and a wife who is strong but must be hard. Will be a day with his family. But today was good to spend all day with my husband ❤️

V

I’m holding out for more than I have now…

I’m dreaming big tonight!

My past is behind me, no more looking back.

I’m in the now and the now is pretty damn good. The future will come and I will deal with it one success, one failure at a time.

Writing ✍️ is my passion as is taking care of my mind, body and spirit. Also learning how to control if possible my empathic abilities or deep intuition at times as I embrace my sober existence.

Livingtd- living the dream I could never have thought up if I tried. I am figuring out who I want to be at many levels; as myself first, daughter, wife, mother and gramma ❤️

Today wasn’t perfect but my mindset is as I say yes to life and thrive in most of what I do.

More coming soon as I prepare for a getaway with my love of my life.

Peace be with you all!

Embrace peace and harmony and never stop trying to figure things out!

Victoria

Poverty at its lowest and finest…

I am not poor today but have been in my life many times.

Poor in mind, poor in spirit, poor in body and lastly but not least poor in finances.

Tonight I soar with the light being free from the most unusual situation I have alluded to on here. Telepathic situation of feeling another’s hold on my mind. A controlling well meaning being but burned that bridge completely and tonight I am at peace which has not been the case for months. It affected my mind and heart. Content tonight.

So being at my finest today until I learn to control my empathic abilities. Much to learn but have good guidance now and I don’t question my existence anymore. Prior to tonight I was walking with my hands bound into this person’s garden. Shame and all the emotions that go with that were my constant state of confusion and best friend. no more.

Poor in body. I guess I am that now but don’t wish to focus on that tonight hoping that the infection in my root of my tooth will be taken care of Tuesday with expensive extraction and implant after. Knee problems, hip bursitis, thyroid disorder (Hashimoto’s thyroiditis) and more. But somehow I walked 5 miles today and got much done despite lack of sleep which is both mental and physical connection.

I’ll keep going until I die! None of my issues are life threatening though at the moment so there’s good in that. I’ve always had physical health issues since childhood so I’m used to it. I try not to complain; Hope I’m not now.

Poor in spirit I am not. Rituals surround me and try to do good in all I do for me, my family and friends and the world. Since I was a child, I have always helped others except when I was using drugs and alcohol. Coming up on 9 months of recovery and have now a new focus for my days. I’m sometimes religious but not tonight . All religions interest me until they don’t make sense so tonight I claim no particular faith.

It is good for some and I stand in no judgment for those who choose it or who don’t. One of my dearest friends is secular and from them I glean much insight into whatever problem presents itself in my life.

I just try to live my life to the fullest every day I can and I believe that is all any of us can ever really do. When I see a need and it is in my power to help, I do.

Poor in finances is actually what I wish to focus on for many in this world are fighting to survive and support their families. I can only share my experience with this. My adult daughter calls it luck but I prefer to call it something else entirely. Some would say faith others fate and me well im not really sure why but I have been poor and happier than when I’ve had much and been disordered like now.

Being poor requires a certain discipline, a constant decision of what is most necessary for me to be ok. I don’t need much to be happy except love and I am blessed with that as well. My parents scrimped and saved and we often went without. But we were happy for Saturday night’s when we got to eat a frozen pizza sometimes.

Contentment is not found in things despite what the world teaches us.

But having a house and car is a certain security that many do not have. I’ve walked my share of miles in dirty sneakers with holes being without a home or car and still been happy. Wanting more at those times in my life always created discontentment so I made due and pretended I had more when I was cold and hungry. In the end I always got exactly what I needed and that hasn’t ever stopped happening yet.

For I believe our happiness does not rest in our material possessions although I do take comfort in my cozy bed but I have been just as content sleeping on a bench or the floor. Just can’t stand the cold.

Can anyone relate to my musings tonight?

What can you not live without?

For me it is love that is the glue to my existence and I just recently found that out.

So if you are loved by anyone feel grateful even if it is a fur friend. For love is truly all that matters in the end.

Peace

Victoria

“Optimism is a perfectly legitimate response to failure “

This quote by Stephen king speaks perfectly to me today!

I have many failures in my mad existence but this blog I started nervously in 2013 is not one of them…

It is a success at many levels and I thank my followers and readers from around the world for being a part of my journey through healing .

Last night I wrote being excited about the many possibilities before me with no clear direction. This morning my wishes were granted with my decision to start writing for a new platform. I can write about my life and observations of other’s lives.

This answer was the direct result of my blogging last night. I manifested it because I need purpose to carry on. Not a job but to be able to write passionately about the dark, the light and much in between.

I have already begun today despite putting on a successful St. Patrick’s Day family dinner for 8. It was perfect. I got to spend time with my granddaughter, children, husband and my sister ❤️😊

What is your passion?

Altruism~can it be defined today?

Doing good only for the sake of doing good; no benefits, even deeper no hidden motive, nothing in it for them not even coincidental pleasure.

Does this exist anywhere?

I aspire to be so. But then I would achieve a goal and that wouldn’t be true altruism, unless I find no satisfaction in it. For how can one not feel joy when others are being helped?

Humble are they? To achieve this state and know it not.

Heavy thoughts today as I ponder my existence.

Thinking about doing another series on ???

Welcome all countries from amongst the world 🌎 we are united in the hope of finding relief from this disorder.

I can be reached at victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com

For any ideas on a topic of interest that has not been done before. Use the search feature below to find blogs on coping tools, stress, Jason mraz, or any mental health interests having to do with schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder. One good place to start is negative symptoms.

Also any guest bloggers who would like to write on here let’s have some fun. Specifically inviting gracefuladdict on recovery. Look her up if interested in daily life blogging on recovery.

Midnight musings…

My soul is at peace tonight

God is good 😊

I miss the drama though and there has been much this week but also a healing of sorts in my life.

I am back in recovery mode and am enjoying my meetings again although sometimes it still hurts to work the steps honestly and thoroughly. But it is all good 😊

I learned this week how to make a proper amends . To say sorry for whatever is needed and then no buts after. And then move on in my recovery from addiction. A painful process but that is why I am at peace tonight.

I’m still having many physical problems but learning how to navigate them as well. Next week I have 5 or 6 appointments for mental and physical health issues. All will be well I feel because there is a reason for each and every one of them.

I’m therapy I’m learning how to be present for every moment in my day and it is much easier being sober to do so. Monday will be 8 months off of weed and yesterday was 7 months since my dad passed away. But even though these two events coincided it is good to ponder tonight how blessed I am.

I’m blessed because I am loved 🥰 by so many, blessed because I am alive and blessed because life is mostly wonderful. And when the hard times come again I will still say God is good 😊

For I did not ask for an easy life so how can I ever complain about anything?

Wishing you all much peace and joy no matter what life serves you. Just keep looking up ⬆️ and all will work out.

The angels 👼 surround us always…

That is who you are

Even if we don’t believe that there are many angels 😇 here now~ I can feel them and tonight my late father who was never late on earth and tonight was right on time from heaven above 👆

But let me tell the story before the beautiful ending which is for me a renewed joy and beginning once again!

I have recently lost another friend, who was my support in recovery ❤️‍🩹, my confidant my favorite person to share my disorder with. I miss the friendship very much but still see this person in my recovery group. They shared tonight that they are getting used to change…

I had a good day, great actually. My dog doesn’t need surgery after 3 weeks or more of not knowing. After the vet, I visited my mom who is back in my life in a way we have never known before. There was even a time up till 3 weeks ago when I couldn’t even have a picture of her without my late dad! But today we took my pup on a stroll and just enjoying the day, the beautiful weather, the well doggie 🐶 and each other.

We never know when a healing will take place or when more suffering will come.

I am not indifferent these days like I was when I was using weed and alcohol to numb out from all my pain. I feel things strongly now which can be good or bad. I am grateful today that I can feel!

So after my time with my mom♥️, I attended my recovery meeting where I got clean off weed 7 months and 14 days ago. The meeting was on something about change and I shared as did the recovery friend I was close to. I left the meeting right after thanking the host.

The next 2 hours I spent mad at God. But I must trust that He/She knows best for me in all situations, but during that two hour pity party the thought of taking a drink did cross my mind but didn’t entertain it and had a burnt cookie 🍪 instead. Did I mention I am trying to quit all forms of sugar starting today? The cookie helped and during this time I realized something.

That was that it is my twin dogs 🐕 birthday tonight at midnight 🕛 because they are leap year puppies and are ten years old in about an hour. I decided to celebrate and brushed them both and put pretty bows on them and danced around and gave them treats! Sent pictures to a few who care about me and my dogs 🐶!

Did some chores and finally sat down listening to the end of my favorite new worship album. I looked at my Fitbit and it was 10:18 which is my dad’s birthday on earth 🌍. I kissed my watch and checked it again and lo and behold it was 10:19.

I knew it was a message from my dad, the best dad ever comforting me from heaven. Tears 😭 streamed down my face and I knew that there were many angels 👼 surrounding me, one of them my dad in heaven.

Thanks for reading this far. God blessings to you all and may we always trust in God’s will for us now and always ♥️🙏😊🐶

Sober another 24 hours and grateful for all those in my life and those who have passed on and all who have helped me be who I am today…

Out of my hands 🙌🏻

Aahhh! Life is so strange often…

But I’m doing the best with all that is on my plate as my dad would say quite often… I like quoting him. He had great wisdom. Thanks dad!

While I recover from my recent psychotic episode and deal with thyroid issues I have more time on my hands and feel inclined to blog.

Upcoming is a guest article on how to help someone who is suicidal, it’s wonderful and well written and will be posting it soon. Also I am going to be sharing more stories of my crazy teenage life and how a lie from my dad when I was living on the streets of New York City circa 1988 saved my life from drug addiction! I just found out about the lie he told from my mom! Thanks mom♥️

This blog is going in a different direction I feel inclined to write about addiction and recovery because that’s where I’m at. And that’s what I’ve always done since starting this blog in 2013!

I just celebrated 6 months off weed and 7 months off alcohol! A miracle from God or my Higher Power I prefer the term nowadays. Life is much better off the drugs for sure.

Peace love and light to all ♥️

Michelle aka Victoria

Good is coming in many ways…

The planets are aligned;we are ready for good to come. For me it is financial and inner as I continue to face my demons.

But if you are reAding this emit to the universe all your desires and don’t leave any out! We can claim good! It will be manifested if we desire it! A pen and paper can help!

A good solid day of running errands. With my pup, my faithful travel companion. Picking up essentials and a few snicker bars for Valentine’s Day.

Life is good and I look forward to each new day…

Peace love light and joy

Pax

Victoria