The peace didn’t last…

Well I had two days of peace so there’s that.

Tonight I am fighting for my sanity and fear I am at a loss.

Started in the morning. Shared on a public forum I have schizophrenia. Big mistake. I shared a piece of my experience with a trusted friend who has helped me in so many ways. Who knows what they think of me now. Doesn’t really matter except to me.

I don’t like people I know personally to know how much I suffer with this disorder.

It’s not shame but rather that they may pity me which is the last thing I ever want. I want to pretend that all is well. But it is not, peace may come at times but this disorder is a bastard. My mind is my worst enemy and other times my best friend.

I always find the darkest place to go.

Yesterday I was of relief and tonight the chickens in my mind are tearing each other apart which is why I have music on pretty much all day. Tonight it isn’t even working.

There was much good in today though. Last night I wrote an article for my new platform and got feedback from a trusted friend and the feedback was insightful and positive. The part that I feared wasn’t going to be well received was their favorite part. This gives me hope to finish it tonight although it is late.

Off I go and this article I will be sharing on here as well. It is on what it is like to be suicidal and I only wrote it to help loved ones to understand a little bit about it in my own experience. So follow me if interested.

Peace ✌️

Victoria

Altruism~can it be defined today?

Doing good only for the sake of doing good; no benefits, even deeper no hidden motive, nothing in it for them not even coincidental pleasure.

Does this exist anywhere?

I aspire to be so. But then I would achieve a goal and that wouldn’t be true altruism, unless I find no satisfaction in it. For how can one not feel joy when others are being helped?

Humble are they? To achieve this state and know it not.

Heavy thoughts today as I ponder my existence.

Thinking about doing another series on ???

Welcome all countries from amongst the world 🌎 we are united in the hope of finding relief from this disorder.

I can be reached at victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com

For any ideas on a topic of interest that has not been done before. Use the search feature below to find blogs on coping tools, stress, Jason mraz, or any mental health interests having to do with schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder. One good place to start is negative symptoms.

Also any guest bloggers who would like to write on here let’s have some fun. Specifically inviting gracefuladdict on recovery. Look her up if interested in daily life blogging on recovery.

My never ending tool kit for those kind of days….

After my last episode, I decided to develop a toolkit of sorts so that the next time that I am not ok I can refer to this list and remember what helped last time. I am doing this in question format so that the sane me can help the future me that might not be ok;) Feel free to reblog or use at your pleasure. No credit is needed.

Are your basic needs met? Hygiene, food, water, coffee, little sugar, warm enough, comforts in proper order?

Are you cold? Take a shower or bath depending on the time of day and my energy level as baths take much more energy and time.

Are you bored? Can you go garden as it gives you so much pleasure? Dress warm or wear a hat and put on your gardening shoes. Just watering, or deadheading the flowers or soaking up the sun…

Have you checked in with your support team? Which for me is now growing and I am always looking for new people to add that I can help or they can help me. An old friend I have known for ten years and who has seen me at my best and at my worst without any judgment came over today and we spent time in my garden.

This is the beginning of my list. And I will be adding more tomorrow as it is a special day!~

It is National Schizophrenia Day tomorrow May 24th so I will be posting a special post in memory for all who suffer from Schizophrenia or Loved ones and for those who help us and those who fight for us against the stigma especially.

peace, love light and joy

Victoria

Part 3 of my schizophrenia love journey…

So not feeling extra special when I look back at my life. Nothing heroic all very mundane but with a few moments of confusion and unexplainable happenings…

The year I received the gift of schizophrenia my world 🌎 lifted me so high on life receiving messages from above which still happens from time to time. And then the meds stopped the dialogue that was pretty constant and confusing.

But when God wants his will done in me who am I to refuse?

Today is the type of day when I will force myself to get sh$& done!

Just gonna do it because yesterday was a shitty day I don’t want to repeat!

I found out the other day I still have the gift of healing which I only use when God directs me…

So here I am still fighting each and every day I am alive. Today it’s in the garden I will work ☺️

Hoping all of you have a blessed day ❤️

Pax

Victoria

i’MPOSSIBLE Project book pre-order available

I am proud to say I am a part of this book and after reading it can highly recommend it to anyone with a disorder, a loved one or anyone interested in mental health.  Josh Rivedal has done an excellent job putting this book together and his passion for finding people with compelling stories shines on every page.  See pre-order details below.

Changing Minds, Breaking Stigma, Achieving the Impossible

Volume 2 in The i’Mpossible Series

Overview

Storytelling is one of our oldest and greatest human achievements. Stories can enchant, empower, inspire, motivate, and even change the course of humankind. Volume 2 of the i’Mpossible Project–Changing Minds, Breaking Stigma, Achieving the Impossible, offers another 50 life-changing stories These are true tales from real people who have achieved incredible feats in the face of overwhelming odds, showing that impossible is just a state of mind—and that anything is possible. You’ll read about: an entrepreneur using his battle with alcohol abuse to empower others; an award winning high school student who battled bullying, self-harm, and an eating disorder to become her best self; and an actor who calls his depression “my frenemy Dewayne.” If you’re looking to turn “impossible” into “possible” in your world… you need to read this book!

to pre-order go to:  http://www.iampossibleproject.com/preorder/

Pax

Victoria