What is Schizophrenia like?…

Now that my days of suffering from Schizophrenia are behind me hopefully, I would like to share with those interested what suffering from Schizophrenia is like before I forget.

My mind was overactive in imaginings that everything related to me. I actually believed that the pandemic was because of me and that God wanted me to be at home rather than out and about. Seems silly now and untrue. It is nice now to go on a pleasant walk and not believe that everything that crosses my path is because of me. This has just stopped recently. Delusional thinking in every area of my life.

Back in 2006, prior to medication I was receiving messages from what I believed to be God. I also wrote prolifically in a journal my bizzare thinking. I heard voices a few times, again all very positive and all about how I was the most special person to ever live and to accept it. I do not believe this anymore thanks to my new supplement. My body was tired all the time, small things exhausted me. The only time I had relief was when I was asleep.

After being diagnosed in 2008 and going on medication, the messages ceased to exist. It was great but then I was in such a fog from the anti-psychotics that my days were very hard in a new way. I read recently that a psychiatrist, to see how the medication made his patients feel, took some Haldol. It was the worst experience of his life as it blocked all his dopamine and he was in a very sad state for several days. That’s what anti-psychotics did to me up until recently. Oh sure I got used to it and thought that was forever.

Now that I am taking new supplements on a schedule, my life has a new meaning, an excitement to live, a feeling that I have not felt in a long time, if ever. I believe (now) that I have suffered from Prodromal Schizophrenia all my life since 8th grade. Starting things and never finishing them, disorganized in my thoughts and judgements. Difficulties in relationships, super sensitive to criticism to a debilitating level and more.

I am also considering going off of disability and starting slowly to earn my own income. One of my delusions was that I was not to work ever again. I call myself a retired writer. I will give it some time but do feel I am capable of working. We shall see:) I am a good student and somehow got my Master’s Degree in Psychology post diagnosis in 2012. Worked in the mental health field for 5 years until stress took me out. Wrote a few books while I was psychotic. Now I’m working on completing a Nature Thought Journal, which I hope to self-publiish that has gotten great feedback. Before I never asked for feedback because I couldn’t stand criticism. Now I welcome it.

Those are just a few ways my mind was disordered. It’s shocking to me how my life has changed once again these past 2 months. I’m like a new person and excited to see what my future holds for me. I am self studying many things right now, working on several writing projects, have gotten my home in order at last, and now the gardens are left to create and manage. But I want to do more and I believe I shall. It just remains to be seen what I will do. If I can make an income from writing so be it.

Hope you all are well, welcome to any new readers, check out my early blogs from 2013 to 2021 for much drama of mind if interested. I wish my psychiatrist was on board with me and my new supplement routine but the thing is that not enough studies have been done on the supplement I am taking, which has gotten me to this life of recovery from Schizophrenia/Schizoaffective Disorder. So I don’t blame him for his lack of enthusiasm.



999 angel number…Release me~

Seeing this number on my phone for the first time tonight on one of my apps is a great significance in my existence…

It means the end of a phase and new beginnings…

This seems to be my theme for this year, new beginnings.

Tomorrow I am seeing a new life coach who is a somewhat expert in a new herb I have been taking for over a month now, that works as an anti-psychotic, anti-depressant and anti-anxiety relief supplement that has changed my life. I am still taking all my psych meds but tonight am going to see if I can sleep well without my ususal dosage of Klonapin. I have been taking a new supplement (a nootropic) at night that helps me sleep but gives me vivid dreams; we’re talking adventure movie detailed dreams!

It seems that for me that the Divine is willing me to be relieved of my Schizophrenia/Schizoaffective Disorder. First with offering me the ketogenic diet, which I chose not to pursue, but may incorporate a low carb diet in union with my supplementation which I will share tomorrow if my new life coach is in agreement. He is not a psychiatrist but I have a study from Yale Journal of Biology and Medicine that touts the effectiveness of the new herbal supplement I have been taking for a month now.

I accept whatever the Divine has for me, release of schizophrenia, or stay the gamut and keep taking my psych meds. He is not a doctor and my psychiatrist is against me going off my meds on this new controversial herb.

Not only do I feel in complete remission from my schizophrenia but also have gotten down to one cup of coffee a day, feel ready to quit vaping nicotine as don’t feel the need anymore and given me more focus, energy and optimism of which I was lacking intermittently prior to trying nootropics.

I was already doing well and now this. I am amazed and grateful to God for this new chance at my life changing once again. Can’t wait until tomorrow and my session which will hopefully bring the clarity that I seek.

For those of you following my past blogs, I also am not doing the zero limits philosophy as of yesterday. I feel much better with my own prayers and offering of my life to God than apologizing and constantly cleansing myself of ???? It was worth a try. I’m not returning to full manifestation practice but allowing God to bring to fruition all that is meant for me, my loved ones and the world.

I still believe I am not to work (this may change) but rather to continue writing for free and blogging as I have been doing especially focusing on Viktor Frankl’s work of Logotherapy, mental health (especially fighting stigma), nutrition for the brain and gut, and yoga. Of course this follows my theme for the month of taking care of mind, body and spirit.

I also have a side blog if anyone is interested about my encounters with God that is already published but will share it here, too, once I have more material on it. It only has a few posts as of yet, but if anyone is interested in it now, use the contact form above or comment with your email and I will let you in my spiritual world as well as this one:)

peace to all of you…

and may tomorrow bring us all the answers we seek for healthy mind, body and spirit connection.


Down my little street…much to ponder

This is a different type of post today for with new beginnings there is much to consider in my life with choices before me that have never existed until now. I happen to live at the end of a cul de sac so hence the title and it is where I spend most of my time with occasional excursions as my mood hits and errands necesitate.

I believe in manifestation according to desire. I desire balance between body, mind and spirit…

My Schizophrenia/Schizoaffective Disorder is well managed right now but I’m holding out for more than I have now. I am looking and researching some new supplements to help with the negative symptoms I still suffer from- which are mainly lack of energy/motivation and a less than optimistic outlook about my life and that of others from my loved ones to my readers on here to the stranger on the street.

I want to be the best version of me possible and I now set out to the Universe to God to the Divine all my wishes to have not just a mundane existence, but one of much progress of which I know I am already doing…

It is possible and it is not talked about enough. We just settle for the side effects of medicine for our disorder and I refuse to accept it any longer! Will be sharing my new supplement regimen after a month. I have been able to find the right medication cocktail to help me be in remission from Schizophrenia and now I look to Mother Earth for wise answers to overcome all that is still lacking in my center. If anyone else has any tips please do share!

Secondly, welcome to any new readers and followers:) I have opened up some new outlets to gain a wider readership and appreciate every like, comment and follow. I try not to let interactions to guide my blogging because if I did I would have given up by now.

Blogging helps me to get my thoughts out to the Universe in a sometimes radical, sometimes mundane and sometimes a resonating way. I often read through my old blog posts which date back to 2013 and have hopes to add more categories with organization to help others find some of my posts that I feel are helpful to me and all of you. So watch for changes as I find the time to do so…

And third, currently among my many projects that keep me happy, busy and entertained, I hope to manifest guidance from above. For wherever we put our energy there it will grow and while I don’t watch tv at all or am on any social media I spend much of my day listening to music, which I love but want to also balance that with my activities. My current obsession is Taylor Swift! Ha ha, and I’m 52 years young. Her music is great for studying, reading and writing. A very talented artist to say the least!

I like to read blogs and quotes, listen to podcasts and sometimes just sit while I eat. But often I get so engrossed that I wonder where does the time go? I also like to stay up late and read and interesting suggestion on a recent blog to get proper rest by staying in bed for 8 hours even if not asleep. I have been doing this the last few days and I do take an occasional nap or at least lie down and watch the trees blow in the wind from my master bedroom. It is good to sometimes do nothing but to rest our bodies and while the results aren’t in yet will be taking note of the days I do so and check energy levels.

So those are my three areas I am focusing on for improvement. Supplements, A Welcome and where to spend my energy. It is now midday and I’m not sure what I will be doing with the rest of my day. Many of my loved ones are sick right now, so probably focus on taking care of them along with cleaning and if the wind dies down gardening, which has been lacking this year. My houseplants are all doing great though, which is my way to spend some time in nature indoors.

I will also be working on my Nature Thought Journal which I hope to publish once it is done. I am looking for a few of my readers to review it so if you have the time, send me your email and I will share it with you hoping for feedback. I can be reached at victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com . I have myself not found a journal that is satisfactory for my purposes so am constructing one that I’m really proud of so far. Feel free to comment what you like about a good journal. Have a spectacular day and thanks for reading if you made it to the end.



May series cont… the benefits of supplements~

Daily supplements

May is coming to a close in a few days… crunching to get all my topics in.  Not sure why this needs to be done in May 2020 but it is a goal.

Supplements are not my favorite topic but I have seen dramatic results with these 3 products these past years or so.  This is in addition to (not a replacement for) my anti-psychotics, anti-depressant, anti-anxiety and Vitamin D, which I try to get outside to get some fresh air and sunshine every day I can.

I will list them in order of usage and how they have helped me.

The first one is GOTERPY which is a full spectrum hemp oil combined with their natural terpene blend and precise combination of CBD infused into MCT oil.  I will quote from their printout what full spectrum hemp oil is: Unlike isolated or synthetic cannabinoids, full spectrum hemp oil refers to pure hemp oil that features all the same cannabinoids present in the original hemp plant.  Providing an all –natural cbd hemp oil supplement that allows the cannabinoids to work together in what is called the entourage effect. 

I have used it for a couple of years now and have started selling it too.  It has greatly reduced my remaining schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder negative symptoms and delusions.  It helps me to feel calm and sleep better.  I take 2-3 droppers a day, which is why I started selling it to get the distributor price.  I don’t need the money so will sell for $25 a bottle  of Goterpy, 250 mg, 15ml, plus shipping $8 in US.  At this time will not ship internationally unless it is a large order (5 or more bottles).  Can also get 500 mg or 1000, plus salves are also available, which I also use for muscle soreness and pain, which is also magical stuff.  Learn more at GOTERPY.ECWID.COM for a full list of prices and products offered.

 I only sell the 250 mg so if you are interested in the higher mg you can buy directly from the above website, which oddly my cousin runs.  She’s awesome and I can never thank her enough for introducing me to this product.  If I miss a dose I can feel it but I am very sensitive so that’s just me.  Now that I have a good schedule, I never miss a dose and the midday dose is optional depending on my stress level for the day.

Other potential benefits of CBD are: reduce blood sugar levels, inhibits cancer cell growth, reduces inflammation, relieves pain, suppresses muscle spasms, useful for soothing and massage and helps with restorative sleep.  Hope some of you check it out!

Next, is sublingual B Complex supplement with B12.  I have been taking this for a year or so now and it has greatly increased my motivation and energy levels!  Available at Walmart for $4 lasting about two months.  I have missed a dose when busy and had no energy that day despite lots of coffee.  Put liquid under tongue for 30 seconds and then I drink water.  Love this energy giver!

Lastly, I started taking Shaklee+ Mind, Mental Acuity Plus for memory, focus and mental clarity.  I have been taking this for 3-4 months and the difference in my memory and focus is amazing.  I am more clear- minded and able to focus on things that matter to me and the rest of it that I have to do it helps me to do it quicker because I am so focused.  This is also a life changer!  It’s $50 for 90 tablets and I have been taking one a day but just read you’re supposed to take 3 a day.  I’m sticking with one because it is working for me and who doesn’t love to save money? 

Well I can’t say enough how much these 3 products have changed my post diagnosis life.  Hope it helps some of you too! For ordering Goterpy from me email me at victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com I accept Venmo and Paypal only.