So what is the purpose of life, I ask again?

In my new found freedom from addiction to much, I have asked this question again and again and have not gotten any satisfactory answer until tonight.

For in seeking to understand the meaning of life, we miss out on it really.

My yoga book* tonight posed this very question as I sat down for a quiet meal to meditate and enjoy the serenity I have created in my home tonight- candle burning, fantastical music, much thought about nothing in particular but at ease, mostly.

This is what I read, “to expand, to create, to live abundantly and beyond, to explore and most of all to inspire.” I am doing this already in unspoken intention albeit not perfectly yet and am grateful for all that I am, all that I have, my thanksgiving is perpetual~ Thoreau

No words to add to this blog tonight.


*YOGA: Self Love Through Yoga (BREATHE) (Yoga For Beginners, Yoga Poses, Benefits of Yoga, Yoga Illustrated) by Lei Camille, kindle edition, Amazon

Somewhere only I know…

I have a dark side but it used to be much darker in my teenage years when I was doing drugs. Drugs were not the cause of my Schizophrenia/Schizoaffective Disorder! It was a gift when I was 36 (stopped doing drugs at 21). Quite the gift…

I still wear mainly black and enjoy heavy metal music, Metallica currently, Yet I am very zen and Christian all the time. I can’t listen to songs about the devil though. Just saying.

I find God mentioned a lot in this type of music along with rebellion, which I am currently in but know that the Grace of God carries me to heaven.

Back to the dark side, I do not love evil, I prayed tonight for all the hardened sinners imprisoned. A bit of family drama tonight spurred it on. Please pray for my husband’s side of the family as they are in need of serious help and may be facing more jail time. I ask myself if I should stay out of it. I do not know so I will do nothing for now.

The May series is not my priority right now as some of you may have noticed. But hoping to stay up late tonight to write on it and to read more of the book I blogged about that has changed my life.

Today was spent with my dear friend who lost her husband 3 weeks ago today, spending the afternoon in my little garden and it was quite nice. We cried, laughed, talked about Larry her husband and watched all the dogs play. My Toby is her dog and I was so glad she brought him. I do not see friends much right now except her and we socially distance during our visits.

I am quite content these days with or without friends. But I am glad that I can be there for her and right now she needs me a lot and I appreciate that she loves me so much as I love her.

I say that yet I do look forward to seeing the family who live with me especially my husband coming home. I wash his mask when he lets me lol and disenfect his phone often.

Is anyone else getting used to these crazy times?

I hugged my husband’s friend tonight, who was born on the same day, month and year (weird) as my husband, who just lost his dad. A good long hug which he was surprised I gave him. I am not afraid and when someone is hurting due to loss I am going to always be there for them. Love will conquer all!

I take a lot of time for me, though, through all of this. I have my music when I want it. Haven’t been doing too much yoga but it’s there…can’t walk right now due to a double toe procedure but still getting in over a mile each day. Been reading a lot. Lots of books right now to stir my heart for God and learn how to hold other’s pain better without letting it affect me in the process.

That’s all for tonight!

God bless and stay safe



May series~The benefits of yoga and dedication…

I dedicate this May series to a dear friend whose husband passed away last night.  It was sudden.  I am in shock but trying to move on and do the next thing…

which is to publish the first blog of this May series.

So here it is.  As usual I can be reached at for any comments or questions

God bless

The benefits of yoga for people with Schizophrenia or other mental health disorder or anybody really…

Yoga grounds you.

Can bring you back to reality if only for a few moments of your day.

I hate to do hard things so I am really only talking about the easy kind of poses that are meant to be done deeply and properly.  See Youtube with Adrienne for ideas and guided routines that will teach you proper form and give you a good work out if you are so inclined.  For poses that are too difficult, take a break and go into child’s pose.

I like to start on the ground on my thick mat with cat/cow pose and deeply stretch into each counting to 20.  Then I go into child’s pose, can finally get my forehead to the ground!

I am always ok when I am doing yoga.

I usually do it at night but do it throughout the day most days… but I always stretch.   Feels good to take care of my body.  I follow my dog’s lead and often stretch with them in mornings.

Yoga makes you strong when one lets it.

Yoga relaxes you when you need it.

Yoga is a magical journey into your body with your own muscles and tendons flexing and pointing all your body parts.

I like to close my eyes and just rest them as I connect with the earth.

Lying on my back, reaching high into the air with my feet and my hands with a pillow or bolster to support my back and my shrinking body.

I have lost 30 pounds to date since September 2019 on WW but that is a topic for another day.

I have not always had a regular practice, quite the opposite…

I have always wanted to do yoga but the desire grew so strong in me that I created my own space long before regular practice.  I followed yogis on Facebook, made a yoga collage, signed up for a free magazine, you get the idea.  And now I am finally using it when I feel the need.  At any moment in the day I can get out my mat and practice.

I have been to a few classes and enjoyed it but I like to move at my own pace and one class I took before all this craziness in the world, was a class that taught how to deepen your poses.   I also attended several classes prior to learn correct form although I often practice my own version depending on my mood and energy level all at home naturally.

My favorite pose though other than pigeon with supported blocks deeply stretching the hip and leg area


The corpse pose

I save this for the end but sometimes if it is a long routine (20-30 minutes) I do it in the middle too because hey who hates to not take a nap and rest muscles?  It is just basically laying there and it’s extra nice to have an eye pillow with some scent of lavender as you just relax and allow calm to overcome you.  I do use music throughout my routine but you don’t have to.  I am just more relaxed that way but that’s just me.

Connecting to the earth your whole body especially the corpse pose.

Outside yoga can be very beneficial.  I have done yoga anywhere, the beach, the park etc..  This helps in many ways to feel the earth, floor or sand and know it is real.  The warmth or the cold of the surface, just notice it, make no judgement, relax into it as your body adapts to its temperature and take a deep breath exhaling slowly then do it again.

Lastly, must mention your indoor yoga practice room.  I call mine my meditation room.  I painted it calm green because that is Jason Mraz’s favorite color!  No seriously I love nature and it feels like I am in a forest when I am laying on my bed and praying the rosary.  The tree as my son describes it is like the room is its leaves.  I also love my mandala that reminds me of God being at the center of EVERYTHING!



Upcoming series: the benefits of ??? during quarantine…

Well, well!  I thought I posted a blog last night on here but this morning when I checked it had disappeared completely!  Very bummed about that as it really captured my mood last night.

I am starting a series May 1, 2020 which will highlight the benefits of healthy living, mind, body and spirit.  I am going to try to blog each day highlighting one activity that is helping me get through this quarantine.  Hope you like it.

Some of the activities I will be covering are but not limited to the following:

I am also open to any suggestions from my readers.

Spirituality mainly Christianity and Buddhism


Cleaning my spaces



Cooking healthy


Having a project to make up or finish at last


All topics will cover how I as a person with Schizophrenia/Schizoaffective Disorder use these activities to stay sane and thrive most days in quarantine.



Message of hope…

Dear readers near and far,

Love you all especially UK, India, France and USA, Spain and every country in this world!

I greet you with love from California where I sit and ponder all that is happening.  Here are some of my most pronounced observations~


Empty streets- people out of love are staying home to prevent the spread of this pandemic, what a beautiful act of love…

Schools are closed- families are reuniting with their loved ones in this time of utter disruption of the normal.  note- if you are home with your kids take the time to teach them your pledge of allegiance of whatever country you are from or in.  Get a small flag and make this a part of your new norm.

Fear of anyone closer than six feet- solidarity in respecting the the spread of this virus and showing many signs of support of all the health care workers.  Wish I could share what I saw on Facebook, people in various countries were clapping, flashing their lights from their homes and applauding all who are on the front lines of this scary virus.

Confusion- we are all a bit confused right now about how this will all end up but I plead with you to look within and work hard on your inner child.  Get back to play remembering your favorite pastime from childhood and practice it at your adult level.  Mine is skipping and last night as I finished my five miles of walking I added skipping to some fun music in my back yard under the stars and moon.

Confusion continued- Look within and ask yourself am I living the best life I can in isolation?  Am I taking care of first the basics and then the pluses, the pluses being anything new that interests you.  My friend is learning to play the ukulele, I am doing tons of self care right now even though I a confused right now too.  I am looking deep within and trying to find my purpose right now in this time of utter craziness.  I have signed up to help others with wellness phone calls to seniors in our local city because the key to happiness is…

Noble or kind deeds and hot baths!

Treat yourself good during this time of uncertainty.  I am looking up still to God who is the answer in this time as much as ever.